break

yay! our break starts tomorrow but then got lot's of things to think about. almost everything is given break except my mind. I've got my cases to worry about, our pending paper to revise, my individual case study which i need to complete 1st day of next year and so many other things in and outside academics.

i'm a bit sleepy na talaga but then i wish to have an entry for today. hehe and so i'm writing. On the following days while i'll be taking my off from school i seek to post and somehow share my life the weeks prior today. It was just amazing and really i can say that i appreciated the course i'm in. hehe it was great experience and had changed my self for the better i guess and i hope. i can say that i'm neutral now, "okey" to be exat despite and inspite of what has been happening. i'm fine.

i'm just so glad that i get to have a break but for i dunno reason i also hoped that things keep running and moving. weird. hahayz. i'm really sleepy nah! urgh! nytie nyt dear reader if there is one :)

ooops! i was awakened by gahd, one mistake buti nalang i checked. it would be very embarrasing by then... imagine posting this entry to a blog that isn't mine and people come and go. grabeh kakahiya talaga if that would happen. haha. anyway i hope i can sleep na tlga! nytie nyte again

on primary

I'm done with primary nursing, not so different from the previous exposure that i had. it differs lang kc i had more patients than that of the previous exposures in my lower years and that 24 hour care is being rendered which means i have 2 other counterparts in the 2 other shifts and had to endorse everything to them.

at first i have to admit kabado but then as days go by it turned out fine. i had great experience being their.

1st week i was assigned at the pediatrics department and it was kinda scary dealing with children. one of my insecurities or shall i say fear is putting at the stake others. i don't know i just couldn't helpbut to worry. i am afraid that something wrong would happen or i would be doing something that could in any way harm others.

2nd week was at the medical ward medjo ayos but not quite kc super busy we had to carry out doctor's orders since i was in the morning shift sobrang daming dapat gawin. kakatakot na kakapagod but then i was able to surpass it quite okey.

the last week was the most relaxed though not really since on the first day prior to assessment we had our case presentation which ended pass 2pm. we had an hour of rest then assessment followed tuloy tuloy na yun gawa ng requirements hanggang 11pm wherein we had to go on duty nocturnal. One advantage was that i am a night person and so i was able to stay awake tlga.

the whole 3 weeks was such an experience tlga it made me grow and i really somehow gained not just knowledge and skills but also confidence. I wouldn't have done it without the help of the staffs whom i was able to bond with, buti nalang got the charms ahem ahem and i easily got them. hehe. they were really a help to me. sobra.

uhm basta there was never a day that i was never busy ahh meron pala ung last week when i had my exposure at the surgical ward pero damn nakatatak na tlga ang pagiging "busy-ero" ko dun ma pa staff, volunteer, attendant on duty or clinical instructor. haha nonetheless i guess i left a good impression for them to recall and remember me.

on wednesday i'll be leaving na naman and will be starting the elective part of the exposure. sana everything will turn out fine. :)

tagal ah!

wow it's been awhile din since i last blogged in. Dami rin nangyari. well one big leap was to pass my subjects the other semester and i'm on my what --- 4th or 5th week in my last semester uhm hopefully.

busy busyhan these past few weeks din as far as i could remeber i wanted to blogged in weeks ago pero tinatamad talaga ako sobra. anyway it was late when i got my grades last semester, we were one of the few sections na huli ung pagreleased ng grades. i got my semi-finals grade last and it turned out quite surprisingly low, as in like low. it pulled my grades down to the border goodthing i got quite good grades over the previous terms. others were actually surprised and even commented na para na rin daw hindi ako pumasok. grabeh i have to admit i was super surprised i expected my midtermsto be the lowest and i was sooo wrong. i just didn't sweat over it nalang pasado pa din naman eh as long as i know i didn't deserve that grade and everyone else seemed to agree dba why have to undergo all the confrontations.

ayun i got myself enrolled na din, uhm i had some of my friends with me in the block pero meron din nahiwalay. anyway it's all good i guess and i hope. kakakaba tlga the first few days i didn't know what to expect. wednesday the week the 2nd semester started duty na agad but out of fortune or misfortune we have been pulled out from Bukidnon. Yup i am assigned to have my duty at the Bukidnon Provincial Hospital. After travelling for like 3 hours and having a long day at an orientation we had been pulled out. We were supposed to go home right that very moment yet our coordinator was after our safety and proposed that we will be going home in the morning.

masaya din naman, half of my groupmates were my groupmates from the previous semester... cla Dana pa din kasama ko and my roomies are my roomies when i had my psychia in davao. ayun not quite an adjustment. hmmm i don't know if i should be worry or sad that moment when they picked me as their leader na naman. hahayz but now i'm quite adjusted to it and accepted it. hehe.

anyway ayun jan nalang muna. i'm done with my third week of duty and tapos na primary nursing! yey! elective na this coming wednesday. kakaba but i'm looking forward to it and hoping that everything would go well. hahayz i hope and i pray tlga. sana din kau. :)

tuloy ko kwento next time! hehe

it only reminds me

uhm i can't figure out what to blog-in but just this time that i realized that it's timely to post this one. wala lang. heard the song before and heard it a couple of times already but then ngayon ko lang na appreciate or shall i say ngayon ko lang narealize or sync in sa utak ko yung lyrics. hahayz buhay talaga o!

MYMP's rendition of the Richard Marxx Original, this is included pala in their latest album New Horizon. Being played now is a raw copy and not the one included in the said album.

missing

i had a hard time sleeping kagabi grabeh -- i just didn't expect that things would be not quite right for me. weird bakit kagabi lang and weird dahil sa song na "Where Is She"? kagabi ko pa iniisip anong connect dun sa kanya. err i was thinking bout her the whole night. weird tlga. sana nga magkatotoo ung text message na:

"those nights when you can't sleep, it might be because you're awake in someone else's dream."

though all i can say is dream on pao... libre lang ang mangarap. well it's just that it's what i feel now and more than anything else this is the most important. I don't know if i will feel the same tomorrow or in the next days but this is what i am feeling today. i miss that someone. i miss that inspiration. i miss the person whom i can converse to with everything that is happening to me. i miss the person whom i know can stood by me despite sa maling nagawa ko. i miss that person who believed in me. i miss that someone who made me want to stay awake until night falls and made me want to wake each new morning. damn i just miss that very person but then again i can't force her to feel the same way, i can't just let her heart beat as mine.

slow but moving

Hmmm i haven't slept last night, umaga na when i got the itch to sleep around 6:30am na after breakfast and to compensate i woke around 12nn. Though medjo maga ung mata and felt sore i had to stood up kase i got a text message na magrerelease ng grades by 2pm.

Last pala was the premiere of Pinoy Big Brother Celeb edition season 2. i do watch it tlga since season 1 uhm okey naman ung housemates now. well that's one reason why i stayed late last night and di na inantok. Natapos around 12 na ata yun, then i surf sa net lang and the last i checked the time it was already 4am di ko namalayan since i was reading some forums sa PEX.

Anyway i cooked dinner last night din pala, uhm experiment pero masarap. Nasarapan din naman ung mga kasama ko sa bahay actually naubos pa nga eh. It was a spicy pork dish di ko alam ano itatawag ko sa recipe na yun. well di koplinano yun eh wala experiment tlga it was a random selection of ingredients. hahaha I wasn hoping it was atleast edible and i'm glad it was both edible and satiable. haha.

well as i woke up kanina na parang high na high ang feeling --- light headedness that is eh wala lang nood ng tv onte hanggang nag 2pm saka pa nagprepare and alis na. Ay i started reading na pala ulit ung Tuesdays With Morrie. hehe. Matagal ako nakaalis ng house pero what took me sooo long din was traffic.

Rerouting was implemented kanina,it was kinda abrupt walang proper notice. It has caused confusion tlga and aberya to the public. The route was really change in the sense nah the route was reversed literally. We or I was the last person to get down and reach ung babaan ko when it was the other way around supposedly. Buti nalang ung music ng sinakyan ko really suited my own playlist,it somewhat made up the passed time and really made the travel a little light and short though it took some 45 minutes to an hour. haha.

All This Time (Tiffany)
Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now (Starship)
If Love Was Blind
Sway (Bic Runga)

and i forgot na ung iba... basta ung ganung tipo and basta ang gulo ng trip. The driver nga and the barker doesn't even know where was the right route to take. What can you expect if mismo ung mga RTA officers gave different directions and instructions, grabeh biglang nagsulpotan ung mga naka green kanina and the jeepney kung saan saan na napadpad. What happened was parang naging door to door service ung PUJ hahaha kung saan may baba bah pupunta ung jeep. lol

ayun buti nalang pagdating ko sa school di pa nagsisimula ung pag release ng grades well mali pala tlga ung pagkaintindi ng mga students kala nila for all ung nakapost eh di pala sa isang section lang pala yun. todoinkz! kaya di kami kasali! lol. I just maximized my time kanina, i got na my ID... napraktis pa ako ng smile and nag ayos ng konte sa may salamin yun pala di na magpipicture ulit.yun pa din pala ung dati gagamitin. hahaha.

not long after that i was about to go home when a classmate texted na ung isang clinical instructor namin will release our grades for midterms kaya ayun i hurriedly went to the room where they were at and got my midterm lecture grade. hahayz pasang awa but i'm glad i still passed midterms. haha.

After nun nagbakasakali ako and well pinalad naman i got my clearance signed nah! whew! great atleast onte onte nababawasan ung mga dapat kung gawin. Sana lang tlaga i wouldn't have any problems with my grades. Will be getting my finals grade and hopefully pasado, though next week pa makukuha ung grade namin for the sem. hahayz. Well let's pray that the results will be good, prayer does work!

I went home nah after....yun lang naman nangyari sa araw ko ngayon. One thing i need to work on is my weight sabi nung clinical instructor ko i have to lose weight. hehe. let's pray for that but i guess imon my way. haha.

what's with the sickness?

what the! napansin ko lang na i get sick frequently nah talaga though sipon and cough lang naman, not that good pa din ung feeling. anyway i got to chit chat with Barry the other night and we were talking bout his life in the US and hell yeah! kaingit his earning already and me still in school. hehe.

anyway got a copy na of "Tuesdays With Morrie" yey! at last! gonna read it again soon. hahayz

grabeh ang init tlga ng panahon not that good na lumabas labas but i had to kc naggrocery eh and what was more stressfulyesterday was that we had to take a vice versa route kc had to attend a birthday party of some relative. uhm im not really quite familiar pero i know his the cousin of my lola, father's side.

It's kinda boring lang kc puro sobrang bata o di kaya naman matatanda ang andun sa party kaya wala hehe but the food was great! yay! busog na busog ako! The caterer they got was the caterer we had during the birthday of my lola sa mother side. tsalap tsalap ng food! woohoo! busog na busog tlga ako! what somehow passed the time was the videokaraoke! yup kumanta ako! ahaha 2 songs lang. okey naman well i sung 2 songs i usually sing pag nagvivideoke, uhm "All Apologies" by Nirvana and konteng part ng "Rainydays and Mondays by the Carpenters. hehe malat and may sipon kumanta pa din pasaway tlga!

ayun and now im still sick buti nalang nakakacough out ko na ung mga phlegm ko, got a sense of relief. hehe.Ay nga pala i dunno if napanood nyo nah, pero kakatuwa tlga new commercial ng Mcdonald's with Kris Aquino! hahaha Meal or No Meal. yaix! i couldn't imagine me in her shoes. lol ang kulit tlga ng commercial. hahaha.

hope ill be well na bukas!

finally

tagal ko na gusto mag blog in yet i can't seem to find a topic to write about. i am always stuck either sa homepage ng blogger or sa dashboard ba yun. hehe. finally i found a reason to blog-in, being wide awake in the wee hours ofthe night is one good reason to start with. haha

anyway i'm done with my requirements -- i guess and i hope tuloy tuloy na toh! i'm worried really i hope and pray talaga na i will be able to graduate this march. alam mo yung feeling na it has long been overdue. I'm free, free from school for now and free as in single. lol. btaw i was able to communicate with old pals from the school i precviously attended and it's quite great to be reconnected with them kahit sa text man lang. Well i've never been a text person naman tlga eh,unless to someone special pero sa common tao --- naks! ano yun! bagong term ah! haha, btaw i don't usually text and text ngayon lang that i find it practical or is it really practical na mag unlimited text? kaya forward ng message from time to time and i get to chitchat sa mga nagrereact at nagungumusta. anyhow i'm quite glad!

well my day went fine actually well productive, i was supposedly invited to an outing by my groupmates and some classmates but i prefered to stay at home nalang. wala lang i didn't have the urge -- urge? na pumunta and i didn't commit naman tlga eh.

i spent the day by cleaning, i help out sa room ng kapatid ko then some boxes from our househelp's room then sa room ko but unfortunately i'mnot totally done. some things are still scattered sa room ko but ayos lang atleast mas luminis ng bahagya. i just need more storage space pa! hehe.

grabeh i went sneezing the whole day! the other day pa naman nagsimula ung irritation eh but it got aggraviated by the dust during the clean up. Grabeh suppper ung sipon ko kanina. now got relieved because i took a dose of a medicine i found kanina while cleaning -- left over nung last time na nagkasakit ako.haha.

Oh god! i am having insomiac episodes na tlga! parang sunod sunod na ung pagtulog ko ng late, in fact yesterday i slept at almost 5am. grabeh di tlga ako makatulog and right now i got no signs of sedation from the dose i took!

technology really is the most convenient thing in the world, wala lang kc kahit i don't really hang out with the block people tlga i get to somehow spend time with them thru the cyber world, text and chat lang solve nah! Kahit ung iba they are having their in-house review nah i get the chance naman to chitchat with them and ung iba naman. saya pa din! hehe we got close more than ever na ngayon that we barely see each other na, weird but great. well hope to see them soon tlga.

finally, the sem is over... my room is kinda clean na again... i got reconneccted with some people and i got a blog entry for you dear reader(s)

uhm.

i dont know exactly what to write... its been like hours since i've been thinking what to write about all i know is i gotta have something to write.

after a few 30 minutes to an hour of surfing through PEX, i found something to write about.. naalala ko lang, i used to like Nina pala when foolish heart came out a few years back. Here's the lyrics of Jealous, one of her earlier songs:

well the song simply expresses one person's feelings regarding somebody he/she loves/likes having someone else around. Well the thought of the song is no brainer, everything is given in every lyric. It is a short and simple song actually.

it's already late and i am still up i don't know i just want to have an entry for today and i am good with this. haha. well i hope this is fairly good for today readers! nytienyt!

P/S: Saw this pala in one of those threads sa PEX... the thread was entitled: Ano Ang Kanta Mo?

the lead behind

this day isn't different from the other days these past months. err.ended up not so well like any of the other day. i'm tired but well what can i do,if no one would do things then it will bounce back to me. i mean everything will bounce back to me. hahayz.

it's tiring yet i can't do anything about it. its sad that no matter how hard we try
it just doesn't work. expectations just fail us and assumptions fail us either. well like any other child we just wish our own loads would just disappear and won't bother us for the rest of our time.

it's difficult to be a leader because the mere title of being one is a heavy liability. whether we like it or not, we got to do what we have to do. we need to do tasks which should be shared,and no matter how we complain or shrug with our shoulders, it doesn't make any difference.we got to take the step.

Sometimes it is rather disappointing but like any other martyr we tend to bend and continue.maybe what's wrong is that we tend to expect from our peers, we tend to envision our peers,the way we envision ourselves in their own shoes. we over looked that this individuals are unlike us.

bottomline.. though we expect much from others, we give too much just to give justice to a title of prime superiority but of rotten justifications.

i'm tired but then again this is my life for now. the lead behind.

my name.

Before, i really hate my name uhm not really hate hate but more of i dislike my name. It is common and i dunno it's just common and nah i hate the sound of it,it doesn't sound probably classy in my young mind. Now that I have grown years older i am fine with my name, i thought of it as somewhat cool and nice.. uhm kinda suave sounding or maybe i just got used to it and accepted it. haha.

According to my papa, my name they had gotten or he had gotten from a soccer superstar..hmmm well i hope he is 'coz havent heard of him. "Paolo Rossi".. does anybody know him? haha i wish someone knew him. haha well i researched for quite a bit and luckily found him. well good thing my papa was right, he was a soccer player playing for italy that time but i'm not that quite sure if he was a superstar of some sort. lolz. anyway i don't know much bout soccer except for the checkered, chess board rolled into a ball ...ball.hehe.

For all i know my complete full name is sooooooo common. haha. Another luckily part though is that it wasn't spelled as what it is commonly spelled. Jan with an A and Paolo with a double O. yay! or else i would be another John Paulo anywhere else in the world. haha.

The name Jan has no specific story, it was just that it sounded better with "paolo" daw and i guess the combo was becoming popular in the 80's that it has a ring to it or is there?

Now you might be wonderin that is if anyone will be able to wonder, why i came up with this blog entry. well i was checking my multiply account when i came across some updates in my network and one of which was a blog entry regarding the meaning of one's name interpreted by an online generator of some sort and so i tried it myself and here are the results of my own name.

jan
Enigmatic and mysterious you are a profound thinker and philosopher with great analytical ability and strong intuition. Perceptive and understanding you have a wonderful ability to read people. Your creative imagination and eloquence gives you a natural potential for writing and poetry. Very independent and individualistic you follow your own creed.

paolo
The little in "Latin"
Extremely intelligent in thought and deed you are gifted at communication and finding practical applications for your ideas. You are strong willed and ambitious and need to have passion, freedom and adventure in your life. Always willing to help others your warm, honest and loyal nature ensures that you are loved by all. It is likely that you will achieve a great deal of success and recognition in life.

jan paolo
Versatile, intelligent and artistically talented. You love to enjoy yourself and tend to experience a happy domestic life and material success. You have a methodical and thorough mind and are able to organise large projects easily. Charming and likeable and with more than your share of sex appeal you tend to find yourself in the spotlight and much admired by others. Life is more fun with you around.

well dear readers (if there are), i'll be humble this time ahem ahem... you do the judgement, that is if you know me personally...whether those analyses of my name were true or not. hahaha. anyway if you wish to find out the meaning of your own name or rather interpretation of yourself through your name you can log-on to:

http://www.bostonuk.com/name_meanings.php

thanks kuya doms for sharing kahit di mo alam that i posted it here or shall i say na kinalat ko pa! haha. :)

nah!

I don't know what to write now.. im sitting on top of my bed and it's really dark here in my room the only decent light is that from the lcd screen of my laptop which i am infront of now. hehe. All i can see are just silhouettes, oops! spellcheck?! well the scenery is gReat though.. its calming and soothing really. I'm on my nth yawn already but i don't wanna sleep just yet. Actually i was just surfing over google / yahoo for any MYMP articles and blah blah blah just to get by with the time. I'm bored na actually with the net, i had already done my routine checking of accounts lol and nothing interesting or new kaya surfing nalang. hehe.

nga pala here's the view i am talking about:



"hehe... too dark ano? ganyan talga yan!"

anyway i like it that way. Uhm MYMP's albumpala is already Platinum! yey! congrats! to those who havent gotten a copy yet, bili na kayo! its worth naman and please do get the original copy. hehe. Latest single is entitled "So Perfect"

sana i can put sample dito ano, well let's find a way kc naman eh i'm no computer geecko! harhar cge out na muna ko while'll try tofigure out pano. isip isip na muna.

kapagod!

Hala! october na pala.. never did i realized not up until now nah i was about to blog in.. bilis naman! hahayz so so busy this past few weeks... grabeh completing the requirements, case presentation 3 in a row wHat the! well because of some back logs we had to suffer a bit yet now medjo relax muna just finished kanina my very first practical exam... actually i failed in the practical part pero nabawi naman with the paper part kaso nga lang pasado as in pasado lang -- borderline lang pero its all good. It was my first actually to have a practical exam and i was kinda not in my right mind hehe btaw well what could we expect with our first times.

anyway had our culmination last wednesday for CHN and well had our overnight to do our task which was food! had egg sandwich but was that egg sandwich really?! err i hate to mock our work! but it wasn't the egg sandwich i was expecting... haha.. well 5 pipol 500 sandwiches in 2 hours! hahaha galing namin! haha

a not so good sleep + a not so good social interaction = a heat up temper! anyway it was our last day and it wasn't that good!

sometimes nakakapagod din mag isip and to mock things when others doesn't care that much kaya well hands off nalang. it gets into my nerves na tlga really but what can i do more bah?! sa lahat nalang ng bagay!

last saturday or friday we had our overnyt again just to finish our documentation for CHN and due morning... hahayz grabeh yun ah! had to start and finish everything overnyt with only 3 pipol or 4 pipol working out of 12. well thats life you just can't pull everyone from their own butts. goodthing we were able to get things done,late but nahabol din buti nalang. we actually had to go to our area just to pass our documentation. that meant spending almost 300 pesos for fare pero syempre taxi na yun, dumaan sa lubak lubak na daanan, and walking for a few 100 meters para sunduin ang taxi na dapat naghihintay sa amin. err kainis ung taxi driver ah!

well the semester is almost done. sana tlga ill pass and get over and move on to the next level. help me pray. prayer works! trust me!

ahh nga pala made my very first directorial job! actually it was on the spot or shall i say impromptu! wee! i am happy with the outcome though it's not that great but i do think it was a good start! hehe i love my own.. who cares?! hehe

check out nalang the link: http://pawap.multiply.com/video/item/5/A6_skit

wala lang... im happy with it... generally i can say i am ayt i guess i hope. :)

reviving

i'm feeling okey now i just hope nah tuloy tuloy toh hanggang bukas and following days. hmmm.. it rained yey! ayos naman yung assessment namin kanina i have the same patient as last week sana she'll recover nah. im happy na masaya xa having me as her student nurse. well that's the price of all the hardships tlga eh. nakakataba ng puso when you see your patients happy with your presence.

uhm actually i'm downloading some songs for our presentation during the culmination for our CHN(Community Health Nursing). sasayaw daw kami! whaaat the! hehe btaw its fine. anyway ayun we will be dancing toduhduhdot toduhduhdot tuduhduhdot dotduhduh... hehe. name that tune yan ha! hehe. clue: revival

ah! nga pala i am baptized again by some of my groupmates! I am Mickey nah! hahaha because of my haircut,uhm kc daw i look like Mickey na daw of PBB i dunno if your familiar with him, xa ung housmate from switzerland ata. hehe natatawa lang tlga ako!

during our assessment pala it was my first time to actually see someone being revived... uhm though it wasn't that nerve wrecking coz the environment was so calm. the personnel doing the CPR was calm.it was sad though to know that one life has ended infront of me. uhm ung family was grieving and there's nothing more anyone can do.

"Death ends a life not a relationship"
-Morrie Schwartz, Tuesdays With Morrie

headaches.

i'm not really well. i feel stressed out. headache just come back and forth and all i am urge to do is rest early. i can't stay up too long these past few days, i go to bed early than usual around 8-9pm i'm on my bed waiting for my eyes to drop. what's happening to me?! hahayz.

i know there's something wrong with my system,i just don't know what. the semester is almost but not almost over. there are so many things that i have to do yet so little time to do all the stuffs. it's that i've got to settle with what i can just do and bahala nah!i can't do anything about it, i feel na i just can't do more.

i don't feel okey really if only i can be admited and be at the hospital for sometime and rest. i know i just can't i'll be missing a lot and i don't know i don't have any major sickness for me to be admitted -- i hope wala nga!

schedule is too tight talaga at school. daming activities and i don't feel moving. err. i dont know what more to say. hehe. well i'll be having my duty tomorrow sana it will be all fine. hahayz.


P.s. i got my new haircut pala last thursday afternoon.ayos naman.

quite well

whew! thank god im on my way to feeling well... after almost 5 days of suffering from colds, headache and pain in my ear im far better. yey! i'm kinda tired but kinda loosened up a bit na from stress. two more case presentations for this week and back to normal na ulit, workis kinda tight the past and this week. ang saya atleast nabawasan na rin ung load ko. i just hope the last weeks of the semester will be fine.

ano pa ba dapat ko ikwento. hmmmm. well ulan ng ulan and couldn't complain. hehe. btaw masaya na umuulan. had my grave yard shifts this week and kahit may sakit nakaya naman. on the second day pa eh naantok pa ako before we even started the shift. eh kasi naman i took anti-histamine and i didn't expect na ganun nalang effect since i've taken it several times and di naman ako naantok. the effect was just so abrupt that day! hehe. ayun buti nalang di ako tlga nakatulog for the rest of the night but kinabukasan what the! i slept after i ate breakfast mga arounf 8am then gabi na ako nagising. hahayz. i had to stay up until i got to finish my paper work due kaninang morning,that was around 2am ng matapos. hehe.

uhm ano pa ba?! hmmm... anyway thanks sa mga nagreply! wala lang. :) oops! gotta finish my homework for tomorrow!

uhm i'm currently listening ng pabalikbalik sa song ng Frio entitled "Could Have Been". nice! cute song!


Could Have Been
by:Frio

[verse]
If only I could turn back the time
When all the words we say
We can make it rhyme
I just can't get you off my mind
I can only smile when you were mine

[refrain]
I've been waiting for you all night long
Gotta listen to your voice on the phone..

[chorus]
Could have been a perfect love
I'm still trying
I know you�ve lost your faith in me
Now I'm crying
I know I've been a such a fool
I've been blinded
Can we just get back to where we�ve started
'Coz I miss your grip and I miss the way you kiss me

so sick

im super not fine. i stayed at home the whole sunday afternoon,i got colds and cough and kinda nilalagnat. i will be having my duty pa tonight grave yard shift at the ICU of the provincial hospital. i so don't want to go because im not really feeling well. Konteng tiis nalang naman din eh. anyway got tons of workto do this week. daming paper works i just hope na matapos ko and beat the deadline.

it rained this afternoon masaya but then again im not feeling well,on and off ung headache then as ive said parang nilalagnat na dimatuloy tuloy. hehe. i hope i can stay up til tomorrow morning and i hope everything will be fine sa hospital. hahayz.


"wala lang before i'll take a bath and go on duty.. a snapshot of me muna. may sakit pa yan ah! hehe"




ingat sa lahat! i know bawal magkasakit but here i am nagkakasakit kc naman eh... anyway hope to talk to everyone soon. :)

err colds.

i got colds and for hours already that i kept on sneezing left and right. could you imagine how worse could this be? err. anyway weird chocolates gave me some relief but gahd its so temporary.

well it's rainy season and yeah it rained ng malakas during the earlier days of the week. grabeh it literally flooded at downtown cdo and it's so mean for me to rejoice but the image of it just amazed me. well i could feel the water below the cab as i went home last monday. early afternoon when it started to rain and after 8 hours being the hospital di pa rin xa tumigil. good thing that the engine did not shut-off and di tumirik ung sinasakyan ko. hehe.i don't know it just lifts me up pag umuulan. hehe.


"not the deepest part though!"



grabeh hanggang waist ung tubig and as far as i could remember this had happened a couple of times already but this is my second time na nakita ko tlga! hehe and it was like 5 years ago when i was still in highschool that i saw it this worse. Dati pauwi and ang daming na stranded, the water almost got inside the jeepney na eh. Unfortunately last monday, i went late dahilnga duty so konte nalang ung mga na stranded. naaliw lang tlga sa sights! hehe.



"one of the deepest, left side of the red gate was supposedly a creek pero umapaw and so the actual depth is around... the supposed to be depth of the creek + 3 feet cguro!"

i had my 3-11 shift at the orthOpedic ward of NMMC and it was a okey rotation. Somehow i got through it just fine. At first I was quite nervous and not in the right mindset after all it has been a long long holiday from duty for me. Thank God it went well.

err. the headache is back and my nose starts to congest but before this gets any worse. i just came home pala froma family gathering, well my mom's cousin had her thanksgiving since she passed the board exam and his younger brother had her birthday celebration and so it was a double celebration.Well it's good to join family get togethers once in a while. I had some talks with some cousins of my mom and some other relatives, it just worries me though everytime they asked me when will be my turn to celebrate. i just really hope that by march next year I will be getting my diploma and on june the same year I will be RN. hehe. I'm pressured!

well it was great seeing my mom's cousin well i basically i knew them since we considered them as our cousins na rin.uhm halos lahat kc are kuya's and ate's na tawag namin since they aren't that old. My lolo is the eldest and so my uncles and my momare much older than their cousins. uhm did you get it? hehe.

Well we're all grown ups now ahem so kinda weird but ayos naman. hehe. ang laki ko na daw!? laki na din daw ng braso ko! hahahaha but it was fun talking to them naalala ko tuloy dati when we get to visit my lola (lolo's sister) at Camp Phillips in bukidnon and kuya anton would tour me around the community with his now vintage motorcycle. Andun kain sa house nila and just feel the nice breeze there and naglalaro ng computer games and nanonood ng... ano nga ba yun?! yung cartoon na made of clay! gahd! i forgot the title. hehe. anyway yun and we rarely saw na din kc each other nung he started to work in a shipping company. Then some other relatives and cousins (ng mom ko) din were there na i frequently see dati but now ala na di na maxado. ayun happy naman medjo nabusog din ako but damn! i forgot to take my supplements before the meal. hehe pero i guess i didn't ate too much naman eh kaya okey na yun!

wala lang hahayz i just feel my headache right now! ung sipon medjo nawala nah. actually i have so many things to share kaso medjo tinatamad ako mag post and i dunno where to start. hehe cge ligo na muna ko!

my window

Most of the time,if not at all times when i got this mind congestion i become a bum. Yep I'm probably the opposite of everyone else, people tend to rush you know when things seemed to congest but not me. i'm quite weird for all you know that's why i'm special.:)

it's hard to imagine me. I'm a loud personality for some, i am a people person but would you buy it when i say i can stay inside my room for the rest of the day without anything to do except listening some music. uhuh quite weird but these are my cherished moments. hehe don't get me wrong here,its just that it is where i am able to appreciate my days. it is where i can stand still and watch the facade fade,it is where i see the day passed by it is where i am able to see life unfold.
seeing my window pane shines in different colors as time pass by.sigh.

it starts to rain outside and well what can i ask more? hehe. love the rain. we must love life. nothing could be better.

uncertainties

it has been like a month or so that i've been trying to patch up things with you after 4 long years of silence. trying to cover the gaps between us, i wanted to correct my mistakes but i know i no longer can correct it,it has been done, you have your life now. it could have been easier if i had the courage that until know i just can't seem to gather. i guess what was unsaid before, we were able to somehow tackle. i thought that was all it that i needed from you, i thought that i just want closure to that part of us. i know from that moment that i left you hanging that i owe you an apology.i did my apologies but never did i thought that subconsciously i wanted you back. yep i really want you back but i know i cant have you.
I just can't figure what's going on your mind right now, im scared i have to admit, im scared because i know that it may not turn out the way i want it to be.

when you left for somewhere i dont know, i didn't want you to go... why? because just because maybe when you come back everything would be different. either you will be left hanging or me will be left hanging. there are so many uncertaintities that crossed my mind though i know of one fact, i might not be that someone.

5 days has passed and to be honest i'm preoccupied by things, by uncertainties. i had long days as i've said before you left. I don't know what friday holds me,i don't know what would happen by then. i just hope that i will be having the same courage, as what i have today or probably much greater.

i dont know how everything will be, some questions may probably be left unanswered. Hurt is inevitable whether or not we take risks-- it is there, it is bound to be felt. Im scared but i know it would be all worth. As I've said I fall when I fall, and here i am falling for someone and not knowing where this falling leads me -- all i know is that i felt it the way it should be, not forced not preempted.

this might be karma for what i've done, but the hell with karma. With everything that had been happening, i came to realize that i want you here. i realize that you are a part of my system. i realize that i want you badly. :|

tuesdays

i heard it since highschool, Tuesdays with Morrie but just now that i was able to seat and read it. I am proud to say that it is my 3rd book, 3rd that i read from cover to cover. I've heard this a couple times since highschool and im glad i was able to find time after all "there is no such thing as too late".

we were about to go home when i saw a sight on this one at my grandmother's house, it's my aunts and so i asked to borrow it. it was great reading the book, though i didn't had much of the not-drop-the-book feeling, i was eager to finish it and i did finish it in a span of two days i guess. wow! with a preoccupied mind, i was able to get connected with the book.

anyway i started reading it that very night i borrowed it but then slept since i needed to,i was tired and i had to wake up early since i need to accompany my younger sister to the city, she was to join a parade as part of the activities of the city fiesta,i'll be blogging about it soon. I decided to bring the book with me and i was able to pass time productively by reading though not intently.

My mind preoccupied,my body stagnated. I just didn't feel moving the whole day. I did went online and somehow release some tensions inside me with a friend but then she was busy with work so i decided to read and read unknowingly i was about to cover every page of the book.

Funny though when i just felt some congestion on my nose and my tears accumulated and started falling for i dont exactly know reason, it just did and started feeling affected by the words written on the book. hahayz. it had an impact on me. super i just couldn't say how or why. hahayz it is definitely a nice book. Hope u can read it urself. if you've read it and haven't appreciated it as much as i did then read it sometime until you finally see yourself shedding emotion.

trivia:i finished reading the whole book on a tuesday :)

happy death

Today, my lola passed away.. 82 years of probably happy years, why probably? because she's the only person who can attest to the happiness or fulfillment that she could have felt in her lifetime.

it's past 2:30am in the morning, 8hours after she expired, and infront of me is her casket. i never really cried, after getting some groceries i waited for my lil bro from school, my lola was weak lying on the hospital bed.

it was 5 or so when we left home as my lola was grasping for breath the priest made his final prayers and softly but deeply made a sign of the cross at the old woman's forehead and finally she rested after 82 years.
-august 17, 2:30am

it's been 11 days since the old woman in her early 80s passed and i guessed everyone moved on. well actually i don't wanna sound nosy but i think everyone has accepted it since day 1. i really didn't cry hard,yes shed tears but not until the internment. Tears not of sorrow nor happiness but tears because somehow the supposedly gaps were remembered, memories that were left unrecalled until that day.

It was a happy death, yes you read it right -- a happy death. It was a death that was accepted, a death that percieved as better, my grandmother had a peaceful death somehow.

I was catching my breath after climbing the ramp and stairs alternately as we approached the room, i was with my brother. He opened he door, silence was in the air and i heard my uncle said "wala na c lola".I didn't know what i felt, i didn't got teary eyed, it was as if normal as if it was anticipated. i had my goodbyes and kissed her on the forehead. it wasn't a typical mourning family -- yes we were silent but we managed to smile, we managed to laugh.

It was nearly midnight when she was finally placed in a casket. It was my first to view the process and i did had the courage to stay after all that was my lola. It was my first to my father shed tears, i didn't know what to do, i was just there silent. the wake lasted for 5 days and i was there for the entire duration, i go home though early morning to take a bath -- sorry! i have to and i just can't take a bath anywhere else. hehe.

Probably many were and would be shock if they would be able to witness the whole wake. Weird but yeah our family is that cool. hehe. Internet yeah yeah we have that and my cousins would laughed hard watching some youtube funny vidz. Jokes and jokes -- related to my grandmother,death or anything under sun, just filled the room day by day as if it was a typical family day. i dunno that's who we are -- some psycho family disorder probably. haha.

Well what's good when someone dies, sorry to those i offend, is that family and friends got to have this some sort of an unplanned but a bit compulsive reunion. hehe. i met some of my 2nd degree cousins,aunties and uncles whom i never met and i couldn't remember. I was able to "bless" to my tito and titas and some of my ninongs and ninangs whom i could no longer recognize because they had not religiously given me my presents. lol loko lang. Yes it is quite amusing yet unfortunately my lola couldn't anymore see our smiles, the events that succeeded after her death.

it was a happy death, as i would and will always describe it.

i don't get it : \

I just don't get how can a person become so insensitive, subconciously selfish and considerably inconsiderate. Basic thing, if you know that you are apart of the outcome, then you move,do whatever you can do. I mean i don't think humans are too dumb to oversee the need to lend a hand or two for the sake of one's self. hahayz.

freedom or independence is a chance for us to prove our integrity, our choices define us, our decisions makes up perceptions of who we are and some lose these chances.

to be honest i am annoyed by people who doesn't really think of what other's could have possibly sacrificed. I know i can't compare one from the other since we are individuals and as individuals we are too different to be compared to one another but the thing is, if we use all our senses we need not be imposed,we are ourselves would realize what is in need, it is when prioritization comes.

i know life couldn't be fair by itself, but we can make it fair enough.

my weakness really is my being weak when it comes to imposing. Others may say its being safe, yes it might be the safe side but its the best thing to do. why?

1.) if you impose, everyone reacts with bias,not thinking why was it impose not seeing the long term benefits and closing their minds with it as a hindrance to whatever they wanted.

2.) if you impose, bargaining enters into the picture.

bargaining can be tricky, that you just want to avoid,why?

1.) when someone bargains,you listen
2.) when you listen,you try to weigh things
3.) if you allow for its validity, everyone else seek to bargain
4.) then again you listen
5.) when you listen, you try to weigh things
6.) if not really valid,then what? all the blurting out takes place!

i just so hate it. i'm tired.
i just dont get it why parents dont allow their young adults to work overtime when in fact they know the background, they sent their children to school so why won't parents understand for god sake.
i just don't get it why others can afford to relax as in relax while others are working because of urgency.
i just don't get it why others can be so insensitive! darn! i hate this.

i don't intend to put myself into pedistal, i admit i have failures, i accept and recognize what i am not whether positive or negative. It's just that we are too different, that it's who they are and this is who i am and this is about expanding ourselves in certain limits.

emergency!

can't sleep yet so i opted to blog in nalang. i had my duty kanina and it went well naman. this is the nth time that proved that i dont need pressure and stiffness for me to do good. yup! everything went smooth as i had my emergency room exposure. it was boring at first, it was my first time to be on duty at Sabal Hospital. When the clock striked 6 half,one by one patients were sucked like magnet into the ER. One after another the patient's arrived and gahd im blessed daming procedures and we were previleged to do it ourselves. We did what we were supposed to do as nurses and not just students. hehe. yeah! we were like full pledged nurses kanina katuwa nga eh pwede na ding doctor. haha.

froma bleeding man fresh from a vehicular accident to a simple case of fever, we were in action literally. I'm so happy coz atleast my esteem is being boost by this. hehe. we did everything our way with no restrictions what so ever and really i can say this suites me best. i am learning without fear and it feels good -- no apprehensions, no shaky episodes,no diaphoresis haha. i had done a lot of things really hahayz my adrenaline is just so high but this isn't the reason why i am still awake.

grrr.. i just so hate it. i mean do i have to always remind everyone that we don't have all the time in the world. kainis lang talaga though i'm not the kind din kc who impose something as much as possible i wanna consider and accomodate any of their requests but sometimes there being insensitive gets in the way. i like my group, there's no doubt bout that. i can laugh with them, joke with them but then what bothers me a lot is there "work ethic" as what vince termed. i mean gahd! they dont have the sense of urgency. hahayz. on wednesday we will be having our feeding program at our assigned community and tonight the only sure thing we can produce are the drinks and the containers to think that we only have tomorrow morning to prepare.. err... as the team leader it just gets into my nerves... i dunno i know i have shortcomings coz im not an authority really and i hate arguements and pointless rebuttals. hahayz. kalagot jud!

anyway i dunno they seem doesn't care much really, they just can't sacrifice whatever. hahayz. i just hate when everyone seemed to blurt out to different directions. i yawn nah so i guess hafta lay down nah para atleast i am ready to and can sleep in no time... :)

i'm so high

anyway good things happened this past days... we had our case presentation yesterday and everything just paid off for me atleast. it was high time for me really, i amso glad that it went really well.. yey! isn't enough. hehe. anyway i did the pathophysiology part and i know it was not so me when i took responsibility. hehe. maybe i just really know myself --- iknow when i am able and i am not. i'm just so happy! i had to admit that i was too into the topic and the task. thanks to those who had helped me along the way. My bud vince.. haha dana my female counterpart for all the arguements... and some old folks not really old coz they are just there,they come in a handy.. los go,ianna and mikay!

the rotation wasn't that of a load really to me... we were taught in a way that we become independent,self-reliant and really responsible. this is what suites me best quite loose. anyway i dunno i'm just so darn glad.

after the case presentation we opted to take our dinner but unfortunately we were 5 lang but anyway it was still good times! hehehe the best part is being EVIIILLL.... haha btaw being naughty and nice. i know i am a good guy but i ain't that straight hey! don't get me wrong ayt? what i meant is that i'm not that prim and proper type... i know how to get even with what is needed of me. I can go inside a bar, we didn't went but it was included in the discussion and my female counterpart just wasn't sold out with the bar thing. anyway! i am EVIIILLLL so let's get into the groove and shake the night along inside a bar dan! hahaha lol. hehe btaw.

ayun after dinner we went our separate ways since it was kinda late. my papa texted me that my lola was brought to the hospital for the same reason as last years'. i just went home since i just felt the pain all over. hehe but it was ayt not that serious of a pain.

finally after four long years everything or partially everything has been said... hahayz i hope we could start all ovah!i'm just so so happy but not her because she's having problem with her relationships. toinkz basta long story atleast the loop holes where covered. hope she'll be ayt.

today we visited my lola, and she's not really okey. i hope she will be fine soon. i know i just slept the whole afternoon there pero atleast my presence did mean something somehow. hahayz. will be starting a new rotation tomorrowhope it will be atleast fine.

nga pala had dinner together with my cousins, it's beboy's bday tomorrow! happy burpday cuz! belated to my cousin ate ayn din pala. hehe.. that's it as of today i guess!

take the test too!

ei guyz! feel free to try to check out this test... uhm no pressure included! if u knew me years years or a minute ago, it doesn't really matter :) uhm this is all about knowing me well and some basic instincts!

Create your own Friend Test here

i too did answer a set of questions made by a friend and surprisingly i got 2 mistakes and it is just out of doubting my instinct! yep ishould have gotten everything right. hehe. The catch is i knew her more than some of her old friends geez! that's something. haha i mean basically friendship is not about the years of knowing one another but it is about connections -- it is about the value of the seconds and minutes u spend and take note it doesn't really mean being with one anothe physically... dba jhe?! thanks for introducing me pala with this webby add-on if it is considered such... hehe

time

today we didn't had any class... where should i start bah? cge with the bad news nalang well this made my day really. i was about to go to school when i found myself without any greentix. waaah! yep i dont have anything in my wallet that early. i just couldnt explain pano, the night before i placed all of my money incluiding coins inside my wallet i didn't even realize tili noticed that my desk clock wasn't there anymore. quite weird when infact it was too early. not long before i cant find my wrist watch either. tsk tsk tsk.

the scenario: my things were all on top of my desk the night before and i slept a bit late with door locked. I woke up around like 5:30am and transfered to the tv area and took a generous nap for like one hour and headed to prepare.. and did i mention that i left my roomopen by that time. hahayz.


anyway i just didn't really dwell on that kc masisira lang talaga araw ko. as i went to skul kamusta naman ang bagal nung jeep! hehe then kainis pa ung guard kc ayaw ako papasukin kc wala daw class magsusubmit nga lang eh! what the! naman! i aint coming if i aint have any business! hahayz ayun pinapasok din ako narealize ata na na walang connection ung walang pasok with my purpose in coming to school. in times kanina tinutuboan ako ng sungay! hiya!

as usual hafta face my problem but not really problem problem... my groupies... hmm have to admit na sometimes nakakainis lang tlga sila,they dont seem to see the urgency of things and seemed like they have all the time to walk in the park... grrr they don't see what's in the long run anyway as usual i kept my silence and just listened to some music.

one nice thing that happened today pala was umulan! yey! i slept the whole afternoon.hehe ai nga pala i got to chat with some of the block bs last night! ang saya! uhm wala lang i consider din them kc as my barkada kc wala talaga me barkada tlga.. i have several groups of friends and sila ung i guess pinaka nakakasama ko... ewan di ko maexplain and i just see us growing talga! uhm kc dati it was more of a company kc we dont really talk bout personal stuffs... ngayon we come to share things and talk bout sa buhay buhay namin... issues... basta ang sarap kausap nakakamiss lalona now that i dont get to see them often! thanks kahit ang gugulo natin!

now naman kausap ko sila vince and dana... wala usap usap ng kung ano ano mutual appreciation din hahahahaha! anyway ayos lang naman din ung day kahit ganun nangyari kanina... sayang nga lang talaga! my watch! huhuhu

lesson of the day: we have to make the most of the time we have kc minsan nananakaw din eto. we might end up realizing na wala na tayong oras. lolz

yaan na

one thing that i hate most but not really hate to the ground,just hate hate as in like it just makes me silent is when everyone seemed to have their own things to do after something have been suddenly moved or when suddenly everyone couldn't give their time to one important supposedly to be done today and they can't do because because. kainis tlga! super but i just kept silent hahayz. it's annoying.

well what could i possibly do i just don't wanna hear more crap so what else but give in. i went to get some groceries with my sister and ate my lunch at 1:30pm,kinda late to some but it was fine i get used to delayed meals. Watta day kc when we were about to approach the cab na naka alley and the driver was about to get our things inside eh may nakiagaw pa ng cab and went inside at umupo but pinabayaan ko nalang well that's how they are and this is me. hahaha Ayos lang naman din baka they have something urgent to catch up.

We went home and i got nga pala a new issue of "real living" uhm kinda cool din ung features yet i'mnot really sold out by this issue parang konte lang kc and mostly traditional designs eh -- mga antique antique and old fashion art deco ung andun. actually di ko pa na titingnan ng mabuti i just got a run thru of it inside the cab.

Ayun pagkadating sabahay linis ng cabinets and fridge and now i'm here infront of the laptop. hahayz.hope it will rain like yesterday na super ulan grabeh ang lakas and may whirlwind pa pero not that big. i jsut love the rain but not the whirlwind coz it is destructive. hehe

switchy mode

in an hour or so myself repolarization will long be over. well i spent time at home for the weekend. I was at my hub for thepast two days enjoying every inch of the time i get to spend alone but not literaly alone basta something like alone alone? whatever. anyway i got to wake up late,let my butt heat-up,watch tv, surf the net and eat though not quite because gotta have to take care of my tummy it is kinda vulnerable.

im just chilling now coz i know in the next few minutes i'm back to reality -- yup ill be a nursing student again. hehe. anyway last night i watched freaky friday,i already saw that but it was just last night that i was able to absorb all of it like enjoying it? i did sleep early but not quite around 10 and half well my covers just called me to bed. It was raining and i just so like the weather for the nth time.

anyway! my couz' band is nominated again for the awit awards and i hope you support them!

simply text:

AWIT [space] F [space]2 send to 2600

that's actually for the People's Choice Fave Group Artist...hope you can lend your pennies over... 2 and 50 cents to be exact! hehe :) august 6 is the cut-off date for this. sana manalo ulit.

kinda bored not that apprehensive to switch mode right now just slight. hehe. syempre it's another rotation so i'm pensive but not really pensive it is more of me being skeptical.. hmf. well God knows best! hehe anyway i'm outta here! gotta prepare na :)

break time

earlier this day after class... they,need i enumerate?! lol... invited me to watch The Simpsons on the big screen, im no the simpsons fan but i just accepted it togive myself a break after those self-destructive weeks... hehe i needed one really!

anyway i asked some greentix from my sister coz i ran out uhm not really ran out, i got around a hundred and fifty left... anyway it's her birthday today... happy burpday lil sis! mwuah!

so there after taking lunch at some foodstall near at school, where we ate coz we need particularly me needed to save... hehe we headed for the mall.

as i've said im no fan but i've known the simpsons for years and last seen an episode weeks ago.well who could ever skip to recognize the jaundiced clan. hehe the movie was funny in a way and quite good yet it fall short..hmf ang bilis natapos... hehe as if we were watching an episode in starworld. haha but it was fine not really worthless. After the flick parang nagutom kami so we took our snacks at jollibee it was sadto say that i crave for sundae and it wasn't available toinkz! got myself spaghetti and ice craze.

after which we then had our window shopping and strolling at the mall 'til we got tired and bored so we decided to retire our feet and go home -- i want to sleep actually. As i arrived, my lil bro told me that we will be going to my lola's place coz we will be dining out for my sis' birthday. So i took a bath and changd my shirtand off we go. The weather was so nice! it was gloomy and rain showering from the sky.

it was a bit late when we left to dine out due to the heavy rain fall.Yay! we had our dinner at Inilog Grill,we often dine there... live acoustic sound and ambience so nice and food is quite at par. at last i didn'thave chicken, i only needed three feathers more to go shoo shoo -- fly were ever i would have wanted. I just so love the place especially that the rain poured so hard. hahayz.

i'mkinda sleepy na. luv the weather. sweet night.

the weeks that was

i'm not feeling well today... i nearly spitted out my stomach,i felt it rised awhile ago as i attempted to vomit. geez! i feel bad. i could have slept the whole morning if not for my class which unfortunately fortunately postponed.. yep! unfortunately i had to wake up early with an ache on the top,fortunately though we hadn't had any class this morning and i headed home. Stayed n bed for the rest of the morning til early afternoon when heat embraced my room. i had some episodes of vomiting, a series of trips to the bathroom but all i can let out are clear fluids probably some acid secretions. man! this is just so not good.

while waiting for my next trip to the sink, i'll just emerse myself in contemplating of how the days in the past weeks had gone to rest.
i checked out my blog entries just now and wow its been ages.. toinkz! anyway may be i can start with...hmmm... oops can't recall gahd! my memory just is deteriorating...

anyway it was a week before duty when i knew Ianna, a close friend or shall i say bestfriend daw?! according to another friend, was in the hospital. he had high-grade fever and low platelet count --- DENGUE is here! I got to visit her a little late though since there were a lot of school stuffs going on. Anyway watta perfect timing i was about to be on duty on a monday on the same hospital on the same floor and she was still in the hospital the saturday before with still low platelet count. I prayed though that if ever she will still be there on that monday, i will be assigned to her but i didn't hope though that she will stay that long.

That saturday i visited her as promised, i came a little late though... i came with flowers on hand. Her father was there, i guess her father knew me already but we never really talked. hehe. She had her friend also, uhm knew her also! anyhow i went inside with i dont know feeling --- parang wala lang. it's been awhile actually since i last talk to her.A coupleof friends of her came to visit, though i knew most them andi just kept myself comfortable with somewhat slight uncomfortable instance well it's my innate gift.

Sunday came -- we met our CI and as we expected she was quite firm... pressure just poured on me. 2 other not so amusing news went across --- i wont be my friend's nurse and i am taking two patients. holy crap! 2 patients that hit me like astray bullet. it has been like cobwebs and dust since i last had my ward exposure and gahd help 2 patients. huhuhu. i was worried plus plus we had to meet with my groupmates that afternoon for i couldn't recall reason --- ah! wardclass.. too many requirements, too little time. after going home and taking my lunch and got my things i headedto mcdonalds to meet my groupmates. some were late and weren't i just patiently waited as i was making some of my requirements for the next day -- oops! another oops! it was a monday not a sunday that all of these happened. anyway rae came and someone played the "cover the eyes" trick or probably the "blindfold trick to some. i felt the hand and spit out my wild guess.. toinkz! wrong guess! gosh how can i not be good in guessing...hmf... iturned my back to see who was there... and slowly...imagine me anticipating who was that covered my eyes... i was in awe really! if you could imagine i kinda stuck with a stupid smiling face. I didn't expected it was Ita's hand... well quite fairly yes it could be her hand but who could have thought she was coming over. i just can't tear my smile off. after like 4 long years of not seeing her, she was infront of me. well she grew up to be a fine lady, gorgeous need i mention. it was a little awkward but it was good awkward moment. There goes my day.

Tuesday... damn! i was late or shall i say our clinical instructor was darn early! hehe.. i had some errands but as what everyone says "charge to experience!" and to my luck they chose my patient t be our subject for our case study. hmf.

Wednesday just came along just fine.

Thursday no class yet i had to meet my group for our case study.

Friday was a long day but not quite. what was bullshitty yet i didn't mind was the oversensitivity and i don't know how to call it behaviour of people around me. anyway the hell i care it was over the top crap that i need not to deal with anyway i ain't guilty. haha

Saturday: Preliminary Exams day! My mind is so congested with things.The upcoming CP and duty and this exam... i was tooparalyzed to move, not anything that i read was absorbed. I decided to make some of my written requirements as for me not to be idle and somehow be productive. I went to exam with some stock knowledge and tons of worries. I decided to offer my groupmates, i asked them if they were willing to then we can have our overnight at our place just to keepour case study moving. We assumed the deadline was monday since prsentation day was tuesday so we don't have anytime to complete it. Everyone seemed to agree yet i just hate some people complicating things but heck anyway i met our CI and good news -- tuesday morning was the DEAD-line.

I slept for three hours probably -- half asleep actually 1/4 maybe. when i woke up sunday after taking a nap when my groupmates left the house at 4:30 in the morning,i felt unsatisfied, lightheaded as if for the last 3 hours i was fooling myself i was asleep and was just closing my eyes. anyway i had my assessment... on my way i talked to God! Serious talk that is and promised nbasta its for me to keep prayer really works i tell you.

i had just my recent trip to the sink... i just vomited my bowel out.anyway back to normal.haha. i asked my lil bro to spread some oil on my abdomen in the hope of feeling better. now where was i?

oh yeah! i headed to the hospital and thank god! i had one patient. it was a relief on my part. after assessment,i headed to church i didn't wait for the mass to start though since it will be an hour after and i don't have enough time to finish my requirements by then but yeah prayers do work and i can attest to that a million times.

monday came and everything went well on the course of my duty. my client pala is a premiere architect in cagayan de oro years ago and he knew my grandparents. he undergone a surgery (TURP) that day and quite amazing that he wasn't reluctant and was calm prior to surgery.he even joked at me when i asked him if he was nervous.. he motioned as if trembling in fright. after our duty i told my groupmates that we have to work for the rest of the afternoon and everyone seemed to agree.. oh damn i forgot i was broke... i needed money and everyone seemed to be on the same track goodthing though one groupmate offered and paid her the next morning. we had to stay at vince's house til around 10pm just to finish our paper and heck wether we like it or not it should be done. i arrived at home around 11pm and not noticing the time, with my printer playing a trick on me and not cooperating i started to make my requirements not until i was done that i printed our paper and by then the printer worked accordingly. To my surprise it was already 2:30 in the morning, so i slip to my bed and woke up at around 5am.

whew was i early! as if i didn't sleep late i had enough energy for the day... i shrugged my self off the worries and didn't mind anything... it was a good day really atleast for me... i just accepted what the day has to offer... and not long we ended our duty and had our case presentation which was a flop but on the brighter side we're done. i went home,ate, took a bath and sleep.

i overslept... 13 hours but its all good. i had to be at school at one for our wardclass but then it was postponed since our class was tasked to decorate for the seminar that night and so we did but what could you expect with a 300 peso budget.. tsk tsk tsk anyway we just did the best we could with what was available and it turned out not that nice for my standards. too little time for a tight a budget!

anyway we ended 8:30pm and had to meet papa at some grill house to get money coz i was really really broke... i ran out. with 60 pesos on my pocket i headed there and texted him that i was coming but what i hated was that i was first to arrive...he told me to just order for my dinner and wait for him but that bothered me a lot, what if he wont come? should i do the dishes? grr.. anyway minutes seemed to be longer than i expected. i ordered and kept waited and finally he arrived, i was super duper relieved but my order is yet to come.

he had his visitor from Oroqueta City and i transfered to their table and ate while they discuss bout their business --- some meehee meehee goat business. Not long before i finished my plate that my papa proposed that i had to go home because it was late already and so i went. yey! i took a cab home per his suggestion. hehe

and that was it! not quite long... hehe.

13hours

The other week i was really stressed out and totally wrecked maybe because i am pressured by my own fears and apprehensions. I was too preoccupied with so many things really... our duty, our case presentation wherein it was my client which was chosen by the group and we had our preliminary examination.

here's my learning feedback diary for my 2nd week of duty which was ironically good, better than last week.

"More than the nursing concepts and realities of the nursing world, this rotation has taught me about life per say. We have fears and if at a point we come face to face with it we tend to curl up and run away from it but it’s not all about running away, because for all we know all it takes is one step and after that, we outgrew the fear and we come to realize that we can and we are to do it. Sometimes though we become fearful not being it’s our first encounter but because at some point we failed to conquer it. One thing I learned is that it’s okay to be fearful but as we go along let’s not runaway and rather face it even if it means shaking and perspiring a little bit. Life is all about perspective, if we see it as a problem it would be a problem or if we think we can’t do it then we got loss of that chance of proving we can do it. I went to duty on the 2nd week hoping and thinking that it would be all fine for me and it indeed turned out to be fine and smooth sailing. I was receptive to what ever the day has to offer and took it as it, not over thinking of what’s worst to come.

As we go along we meet different personas, stronger or weaker than our own. Sometimes we jive and sometimes we clash yet it’s not about who overshadows who rather it is how we accept and tag along with one another. If one is stronger let us not paralyze ourselves, let us prove that we have endurance and with it alone we are able to show that we also have strength. There are also instances that we come to work with others like my peers, I guess one important thing is that we gotta see what is common to all of us rather than looking at our individual differences to be able to work harmoniously. With that we are able use our individual strengths hand in hand to achieve our goals. In the process we are able to build relationships and we become sensitive to our colleagues. A tap at the back, a hug a sense of concern and comfort when fears and stress envelopes us or sharing of smiles and laughter is all we need for us to keep going.

To be able to really maximize an exposure we must put ourselves to others, to better understand and to give the best we could ever have. No matter how stressed we already are, if we think of our clients and their own stresses, we are able to realize how blessed we are.

Life is not all about first impressions and her say, first impressions do last if we can only be broad minded. These sometimes congest our minds and piles up our fears which stop us from learning, growing and moving forward. We become consumed that we are vulnerable and weak. Thus we never see the brighter side of life.

More than anything else, the best consolation is seeing our clients happy of our presence and learning from a rotation that I never thought I could possibly endure."

it is such a 360 degree experience for me -- yep! so mind shaking and emotionally crumbling weeks but in the end it was all worth it. What paid the dues really is when my client appreciates my being. I'm so lively now, after a week of stressful wrath. hehe I overslept today... 13 hours of sweet sleep, how's that?

mental torture

So little time so much things to do... i'm pressured to max! This isn't my world beybi! yet for the longest time i fooled myself that i can do it,that i can own this world but in the end nothing has changed a lot.

it's been awhile since i blogged in and there were so many things that had happened, some good things and a dump of not so good ones. I just can't enumerate it right now since at 5pm i need to take our preliminary examination.

For like 4 years, i tried to cover up the gaps, frustrations and everything the slowly consumed my esteem. I tried to fool myself that i can do it though i know deep inside that i can't for the sake of others. For the people who believed that I can, for the people who tried to build me up to an individual that I knew I'm not and i'll never be-- For those who have supported me. In that 4 years i've struggled a lot,so much but basically in my silence i wept alone and seek comfort in my small world. It's been a tag of war between myself and others.

I knew that I can't do it anymore but i tried to stretched myself out for every reason that came across. Today, still the same struggle evelopes myself... im not that afraid of where will I go next and how i continue my life because I know I am better of in other fields but i am afraid of the justifications that I must say that only I can understand.

I'm tired of the mental torture that i have undergone uptodate -- more than anything else this has drained what was left in me. I don't know until when will i fool myself that i can still live in a world that i don't belong -- Maybe until i break myself into pieces or maybe until everyone realize that i am dead trying to revive my own.

I'm tired and really really tired, if only i have the gutts to stop the time maybe just maybe i had my relief a long time ago. i created my own misery... i created my fate... i created my death.

toinkz!

i just realize now that my lil gadget here is kinda' cool... reformatted this a month ago i think nagtaka ako kc lumiit ung memory and guess what di nawala ung files ko pla... yay! galing dba! it was stored pala still hmmm but this realization just prove how dumb about techie stuff. hehe.

anyway the whole day was gloomy saya nga eh,we didn't have our lecture early kanina sayang lang pagpunta ng school ng maaga but what can we do, we did went to mass unfortunately since it was announced late to us so we end up staying outside the the parish. i'mno aethiest or anti-religion but for me better not go to mass if you don't intend to go to mass. hehe. i admit i'm no religious in going to mass really but in my own way i prove to God that i look up to him.

I didn't really had the move to socialize today. i spoke less about anything except towards the unjustified ruling of dress code at school. well it poured out criticism fromalmost all students. it was fine but sana the implementation wasn't that abrupt and that they should have been more definite to what to wear. here's the deal, they don't allow students wearing "slippers" to get inside but what their definition of "slippers" was the problem. Slippers for the guards are anything and everything thongs. imagine even wedges and other obviously classified as sandals were not allowed to get in. duh! to ban flats might be much acceptable. a lot of people i knew weren't allowed to get in, Dana nakakatawa she had no choice but gamitin ung sandals ng dad niya! hahaha Charcoal is not allowed! ano ba yan! buti nalang ayos pa din tingnan sa kanya ung sandals ng dad niya. some had to go home and get changed hahayz kakaaliw ung isang guard na lalake dun,he insisted pa na wag daw magloloko ung students kc daw alam nya kung ano ang slippers sa hindi, ano pa daw kaya ung mga students na mga babae. hahaha. ganun ba yun! tsk tsk

our class postponed since as i've said we went to mass - first friday of the month, it was moved later today. During the lecture wala lang terms seemed simplier than i thought before. mas naintindihan ko ung topics bout arrhythmias. hehe. anyway ewan ko kung matutuwa ako o hindi, ung instructor kc keeps on like bragging in away and basta tinatarget nya ng tinatarget ung old school ko kahit naman lumipat na ko i still have the loyalty. naks! go ateneo! haha. umulan lang the rest of the day, i had my taxi syndrome na naman grrr. i slept in the afternoon stress seemed to pile up lang talaga. kakapagod. hahayz.

suppah!

The start of week was shaky really. I was in the verge of wrecking my self. haha. btaw it was our first duty and i just can't get my feet. it was supah circus ride of emotions but in the end it was quite fullfiling. anyway copy+paste ko nalang from my learning feedback diary kc tinatamad na ko magsulat. hehe. I had my graveyard shift for two days (sunday and monday) at the ICU (Intensive Care Unit) of some local hospital.

For the first day which was sunday night, kinda kabado talga super kung pwede lang wag na pumunta eh. hehe.

" I was really scared yesterday, after a year and 1 month I'm back having my regular duty and for the first time I am to be exposed in an Intensive Care Unit.Butterflies in my stomach is an understatemen,If I were to describe what I felt which really escalated a few hours before duty. I didn't know what to expect,I just submitted myself to the reality that whether I am ready or not, I have to go on duty. After doing the initial vital signs, able to give 12mn medications and do the HGT, I felt relieved and quite relaxed. I learned that sometimes it takes just one step then we're on it, I mean no matter how nervous we are and apprehensive if we take a little courage on our side we will be able to cross the bridge and everything will be fine for us -- everything will take its pace. It takes a small dose of courage. Being in the grave yard shift is not really new to me, I've been on duty in the wee hours of the night when I had my OR and DR exposure and really it's not a problem since I am a night person also."

i went home and got BP of my grandparents and nakatulog ako 'til 1pm, then i worked on my requirements then on for the duty that night. my second day though went so so fine.

" Though I wasn't that confident, I was calm for the second day. We exchange
roles with partner this time, I was the charge nurse and that some kinda
bothered me for awhile since I was kinda scared that I wouldn't meet the
deadline and be able to give justice to the responsibility given to me.I
went to duty so-so i mean kinda ready kinda not. hehe. I just prepared for
what I saw coming and was open to things which may happen unexpectedly.I
had prepared my sample charting and a kardex that i am comfortable using --
well it doesnt mean that if one thing is being said you'll conform to that
we can find our own path which leads to the same end result may be that's
the essence of nursing as an art.Anyway my kardex did worked for me
and wasn't lost when it was timefor me to trace the activities we had during
my shift."

me and my partner finished early talaga. whew! quite a relief. I went home with so much energy kc not just we finished early and we didn't had any problems dealing with computations of IV and I&O but also we felt the gratitude from our client. hehe. though for me ayaw ko palipat ng ER, which i will be next week,i have to. sarap ng feeling na nagugustohan ka ng client mo. hahayz. hope we can visit her next week.

i woke up around 11am, nakatulog ako and di ako ginising. grr. i went up and started to prepare kc i had to work on the courtesy call letter which we will be needing the next day. i run out of ink so i had to print it out sa malapit na icafe sa hospital where our instructor was having her duty.

ayun i went their arund 1pm and shux! to my surprise sarado ang icafe, so i walked to the next block at nagbakasakali na meron, but after like 4 or 5 blocks sa kakilala ko na icafe ako nakapagprint. damn! sana sumakay ako at dumiretso dun! anyway i hurriedly went to the hospital and got it signed, i then went to school to check on the other signatories it was around 4pm already when i got it all signed.
i then bought some stuffs for my duty the next day.

yun and I had my Community rotation for the 3rd day na kay layo layo.. hahayz so busy i was bombarded by all the writing stuffs and some responsibilities. I am so thankful though that I got someone to be on my side. hehe. You know who you are thanks talaga, i'll make up to you pag di na busy. Suppah thanks i know i don't deserve you really. naks! drama! as if i own you lol. haha. btaw thanks much!

ala pelikula

it was passed dusk when i woke up froman afternoon dusk. I just felt myself about to cry -- the feeling of air going passing through my nasal cavity, somewhat rough but kinda same similar to deep breathing is what woke me up. I woke up from a dream, kinda real but too cinematic for reality. there were so much gaps in that dream and the in my earlier memory, it started when a friend, Dana went to go out to buy some load. I followed and what occupied the vast landscape are busy streets high rise buildings on the draft and what seemed a market place in front of us. People watching some tube and gamble forwhat it seemed like a sports or something i just coudn't glimpse of it, all i know they were quite noisy and nosy, somewhat drunk and kinda' "bagong laya / sunog baga" people. Some people were busy on their own stuffs unpacking or packing their panindas, i can't really visualize now as far as my blunt memory and wild imagination can picture out, the place wasn't that crowded anymore.I was going after her trying to convince her that it wasn't inany way safe to go by her own and nagtetext pa -- not to mention she's an eye candy. haha.

btaw ayun after she got her load we were about to passed by the same group of people when biglang nagkagulo over that said tube. hmmm seemed cinematic ayt? i lead Dana to a route para makaiwas sa gulo but then to our surprise comingtowards us ay nagpapatayan and bang! a gun shot... i saw the bullet it was in slow but brief motion and all i saw was Dana with a bleeding left arm. I was in shock but after a few cycle of breaths i came to my consciousness and shouted for help. Asking her also to stay alive and saying my apologies to her. help came and the authorities came to pick ung mga barumbado up -- it was a relief. There were 3 other harmed civilians near us but an army of some sort went to us and ask that they need to bring some for some reason i coudn't recall.

Yun dinala na kami sa truck and we travelled,i saw some familiar faces on the same truck and they were talking bout this somewhat secret society they wherein. It wasn't clear then where we were heading, me and Dana just sat there without any clue where we were going but rest assured Dana's fine. Not so long when we arrived in an area, somewhat like a boot camp but not really it is more of a compound, but kinda weird those familiar faces didn't even talk to me -- as if we didn't knew each other and then i just played their game, i just held on Dana's hand and walk our way to the shed.

All the while i was listening to conversations i came to puzzle piece by piece on my mind, this was a secret society, wherein we can't go back to our families. We will be trained and live their for the rest of our lives. No one will know except us and that our families would actually know that we are alive yet we stow away fromthem by choice.

From there, it jumped several years after,i was in my lola's house with one of those familiar faces. I asked her if i could visit my family but then she told me my family moved out from our house several months ago and left for an apartment. reality struck me, i missed them and i was about to cry when i was awaken. now i got teary-eyed.sigh.

hahayz. basically that was it. :)

so so day... ang gulo!

its a so so day, almost if not everyone in class seemed to be out of focus and stressed out. i myself unlike the other week was kinda not listening to the discussion. well the class started late talaga and i was talking to my friends, bout some heart problem (problem ba yun?) not mine ha! btaw but not seriously we would just joke around and share our laughs without consideration that we weren't the only people inside the room -- and i'd like to add that we weren't the only ones who had chit chat sessions at that moment.

our instructor arrived and started discussing and me? i tried aligning myself through the discussion but unfortunately slowly i faded out fromthe class set-up and was just exchanging words with my seatmates. once or twice i thought i wanted to go home na. hehe tinamad talaga ako i was just trying so hard to stay with the discussion by copying notes and heck! my handwritting was art gone bad. yup so untidy.

anyway we had our 15 minute break and took or snacks, yup break and it just worsen our willingness to stay out of the class but what can we do, we have to attend classes. it ended on time around 11:30, i secured for myself a photocopy of what was discussed in class, together with some friends and then decided to go home. nakakapagod ung init talaga.

the friend na batchmate ko during our psychiatric affiliation, of a friend (ang gulo ko!) i mentioned in the previous entry... remember? kaklase ko pala in our lecture and groupmates pa kami during our duty this sem. yep! ngayon ko lang nalaman. hehe. i was surprised kc kanina pagpasok ko sa room she was seated pala sa row next to us --- it didn't entered my mind na andun pala xa last week. haha. my memory is really deteriorating na talaga -- my blunt memory just gets blunter and blunter --- if there is such word, as i get older. haha. well havent really met her as in MET her, like chitchat with her or even exchange of his and hellos. hehe kinukulit nga ako ng friend ko na kaibiganin ko raw -- well time will make a way! haha syempre eventually i'll get to talk to her na cguro kc nga naman we will be going on duty together with the rest of the group. hehe don't worry it,i'll be her good friend in time. hehe.

wow! umulan bigla, i just picked up my phone on my bed then when i got to sit back infront of the laptop bumuhos na ulan and now tumigil nah! ang bilis! singbilis ni flash! kelan kaya ako maging the flash! hmm i move at my own pace talaga! wehehe.

freakin' whatever

woohoo! it was the last day of our RLE orientation kanina, watta relief! I thought Iwas nearly late when i arrived at school, it was already 7:30 am and tadah! it was really surprising you know -- there were only a few people around and it was freakin' 7:30 already! I should have took my time as well and came a bit later.

unlike the first day wherein as the doors of the audio visual room were opened it was as if swarms of sperm excited to kick butts just to get a chair. hehe btaw maybe people were just drained out and kinda okey-fine-even-CIs-come-in-late mode. the atmosphere in the avr was kinda laid back, me myself was kinda relaxed and no apprehensions orwhatsoever. the whole morning we were inside the fully a/c room --- waah! ginaw talaga! i just put my hands inside my bag just to get a sense of relief from the super duper coldness. kainis nga eh we didn't had our 15 minute break kaya my tummy kinda suffered, i didn't took breakfast pa! wrong timing talaga, good thing though i brought some fruit snacks -- scooby doo fruit snack actually kaya yun we got through na rin with a tiny munch. i just got myself warmth, when i decided to go out and pee, ang init pala sa labas! haha. btaw yun after that, we took our lunch sa labas ng school actually tapat ng school and yeah i got myself an unhealthy lunch. too much carbs.

ayun it was hottah hottah out there kaya i headed home na, when i arrived, i turned on my laptop and nag online but eventually naka tulog ako. oi don'tget me wrong i slept sa bed ha! hehe btaw i was awakened because my brother knocked and told me that i will be taking the bp of my grandparents. weird but not really weird because it happened na rin a couple of times nah to me, nagising ako feeling the somewhat morning heat from my window.i felt my pulsation(spell check?), nasa isip ko was that it was morning already and i am late already for 7:30am,i stood abruptly and opened the door looked at the clock while hearing my brother -- it was quarter to 5pm pa pala. i went back to bed and kinda na inis with a sense of relief.

well, thank god though kakainis but atleast i won't suffer the consequences of being late! it was around 7pm when our househelp tried to woke me up kc nga i'll take the bp daw which really gotinto my nerves -- sa sobrang i got up after an hour or so. i just hate na gigisingin ako when they knew na i am resting coz honestly napagod talaga ako kanina sobra, with the heat sumakit ulo ko.

now i'm kinda okey na man, just finish my journal wherein muntikan na ako sumuko mag hanap ewan ko but i dunno how tolook for one talaga but hey i did unfortunately i'm not that sure kung tama. haha. thanks sa new (new bah?) textmate/friend/inspiration (how will i know bah na inspired ako? havent felt it before i guess.haha) ko for getting me through all these. i appreciate you and your help. : )

true dreams and faded memories

am i making up all these crap? am i some kind of a psycho? hope not. doubts just bugs me today, why do i have a descriptive memory of events that no one could remember? whether it all happened in reality or not, i know that deep inside me it felt so true and i am not pleading guilty of any charges. if there is one thing that i am guilty of it would be not making the perfect decisions and not being able to control my mind in digesting random memory. i am not insisting on my sheared memory 'coz maybe i was just making all those up, maybe everything happened in my past life, maybe those were ought to be forgotten.

i had a hard time going out of bed, i slept a bit late na din kc kagabi but good thing i wasn't late nor my sisters. i was actually a bit early kanina, the avr was still closed and only a few people were there pa. the demonstration went okey and time came in a swift. not long before i noticed it, we were about to be dismissed. we decided to eat in mang inasal! yay! favorite chicken... hehe well we decided dun kc medjo malapit lang sa hospital where we were to have our orientation in the afternoon. ayun kain kain, tuksohan and kain ulit haha. btaw nabusog ako ng dinauubos ung rice ko! naks! diet--- di noh! i just consumed one burger and a bottle of iced but not iced tea during our break in the morning kaya i gave some of the rice to Dana. haha takaw! timejust ticked and ticked ng di namin namamalayan, what the! it was almost 1pm when we left the mall and punta na ng hospital.

i was a bit perspiring because we had a small walk from the unloading area to the hospital and took some steps up to the 4th floor. we were happy in our thoughts that finally we could relax in a fully airconditioned room, oh well we were a floor lower when the buzzing sound of the aircondioner greeted us and how delightful it was to us. woohoo! cool breeze all we felt coming, and boom hot air just burst into our face. the room was crowded as in like over flowing with exhausted humans -- angels in hell was probably the most apt description. there were 4 airconditioners and none of it were turned-on, electric fans were rotating but wasn't able to sustain the crowd. i myself was perspiring and had no seat to rest upon, my hanky was soaked wet and did i say i was standing? minutes prior to the orientation the a/c were turned on and felt a little less exhausted but still no extra monoblock to sit in, we just sat on the tables on the side of the halls for the entire duration and felt sleepy but made it a point not to get closer even with a wink -- i did yawn a couple of times but it meant that i am in some kind of homeostasis and calm. anyway what ever the yawns meant, i did got through the first part of the orientation not sleeping. we then had our hospital tour, i had been to that hospital a couple of times already, being an out-patient to having our on-call duty but just now that i came to realize that the complex is bigger than i thought it was. the rained poured in but i walked to the loading area to get a ride alone since ung mga kasama ko were rooting towards different directions. i am one person na di talaga takot mabasa ng ulan haha kaya i walk calmly through the street as if it was a great summer day.

arrived at home around 5pm and i asked our househelp to cook scrambbled eggs for me kc parang nagutom ako and had myself a good rainy day meal. rice soaked in coffee and scrambelled eggs on the side -- one of my fave since i was a kid. i missed eating this and dami ko talaga nakain. busog na busog ako! rest ng konte then i headed to take a shower -- ginaw pero ayos lang naman kaya!

it was like forever since i held my mobile phone ung tipong di binibitawan. haha. yup i was exchanging text messages with ita and funny kc parang binibenta nya friend nya sa akin -- sorry sa term na gamit ko. uhm kc she has this friend pla na kalevel ko and tinanong nya ako if i know her but since im not familiar with the names and couldn't really associate the faces to their names i asked a friend kung kilala nya. my friend knew her pala and naging kabatch daw namin when we had our psychiatric affiliation at the same time ita was describing her pero di nakita ng friend ko sa conference hall. After the orientation, my friend saw her about to go out, ang loko sumigaw ba naman na nagpapasend ako ng regards! what the! kakahiya kaya yun, i mean daming tao good thing parang walang nakapansin or i hope na walang nakarinig. anyway it rained up to (looking out at the window)... ... kanina -- nagstop na pala ngayon ko lang napansin. hehe.

playing since kanina neil sedaka's laughter in the rain... oooh! i hear laughter in the rain... walking hand in hand with the one i love... yaix! managinip ba ng gising! maybe those memories retained on my mind were simply my dreams that i thought really happened... hahayz