so so day... ang gulo!

its a so so day, almost if not everyone in class seemed to be out of focus and stressed out. i myself unlike the other week was kinda not listening to the discussion. well the class started late talaga and i was talking to my friends, bout some heart problem (problem ba yun?) not mine ha! btaw but not seriously we would just joke around and share our laughs without consideration that we weren't the only people inside the room -- and i'd like to add that we weren't the only ones who had chit chat sessions at that moment.

our instructor arrived and started discussing and me? i tried aligning myself through the discussion but unfortunately slowly i faded out fromthe class set-up and was just exchanging words with my seatmates. once or twice i thought i wanted to go home na. hehe tinamad talaga ako i was just trying so hard to stay with the discussion by copying notes and heck! my handwritting was art gone bad. yup so untidy.

anyway we had our 15 minute break and took or snacks, yup break and it just worsen our willingness to stay out of the class but what can we do, we have to attend classes. it ended on time around 11:30, i secured for myself a photocopy of what was discussed in class, together with some friends and then decided to go home. nakakapagod ung init talaga.

the friend na batchmate ko during our psychiatric affiliation, of a friend (ang gulo ko!) i mentioned in the previous entry... remember? kaklase ko pala in our lecture and groupmates pa kami during our duty this sem. yep! ngayon ko lang nalaman. hehe. i was surprised kc kanina pagpasok ko sa room she was seated pala sa row next to us --- it didn't entered my mind na andun pala xa last week. haha. my memory is really deteriorating na talaga -- my blunt memory just gets blunter and blunter --- if there is such word, as i get older. haha. well havent really met her as in MET her, like chitchat with her or even exchange of his and hellos. hehe kinukulit nga ako ng friend ko na kaibiganin ko raw -- well time will make a way! haha syempre eventually i'll get to talk to her na cguro kc nga naman we will be going on duty together with the rest of the group. hehe don't worry it,i'll be her good friend in time. hehe.

wow! umulan bigla, i just picked up my phone on my bed then when i got to sit back infront of the laptop bumuhos na ulan and now tumigil nah! ang bilis! singbilis ni flash! kelan kaya ako maging the flash! hmm i move at my own pace talaga! wehehe.

freakin' whatever

woohoo! it was the last day of our RLE orientation kanina, watta relief! I thought Iwas nearly late when i arrived at school, it was already 7:30 am and tadah! it was really surprising you know -- there were only a few people around and it was freakin' 7:30 already! I should have took my time as well and came a bit later.

unlike the first day wherein as the doors of the audio visual room were opened it was as if swarms of sperm excited to kick butts just to get a chair. hehe btaw maybe people were just drained out and kinda okey-fine-even-CIs-come-in-late mode. the atmosphere in the avr was kinda laid back, me myself was kinda relaxed and no apprehensions orwhatsoever. the whole morning we were inside the fully a/c room --- waah! ginaw talaga! i just put my hands inside my bag just to get a sense of relief from the super duper coldness. kainis nga eh we didn't had our 15 minute break kaya my tummy kinda suffered, i didn't took breakfast pa! wrong timing talaga, good thing though i brought some fruit snacks -- scooby doo fruit snack actually kaya yun we got through na rin with a tiny munch. i just got myself warmth, when i decided to go out and pee, ang init pala sa labas! haha. btaw yun after that, we took our lunch sa labas ng school actually tapat ng school and yeah i got myself an unhealthy lunch. too much carbs.

ayun it was hottah hottah out there kaya i headed home na, when i arrived, i turned on my laptop and nag online but eventually naka tulog ako. oi don'tget me wrong i slept sa bed ha! hehe btaw i was awakened because my brother knocked and told me that i will be taking the bp of my grandparents. weird but not really weird because it happened na rin a couple of times nah to me, nagising ako feeling the somewhat morning heat from my window.i felt my pulsation(spell check?), nasa isip ko was that it was morning already and i am late already for 7:30am,i stood abruptly and opened the door looked at the clock while hearing my brother -- it was quarter to 5pm pa pala. i went back to bed and kinda na inis with a sense of relief.

well, thank god though kakainis but atleast i won't suffer the consequences of being late! it was around 7pm when our househelp tried to woke me up kc nga i'll take the bp daw which really gotinto my nerves -- sa sobrang i got up after an hour or so. i just hate na gigisingin ako when they knew na i am resting coz honestly napagod talaga ako kanina sobra, with the heat sumakit ulo ko.

now i'm kinda okey na man, just finish my journal wherein muntikan na ako sumuko mag hanap ewan ko but i dunno how tolook for one talaga but hey i did unfortunately i'm not that sure kung tama. haha. thanks sa new (new bah?) textmate/friend/inspiration (how will i know bah na inspired ako? havent felt it before i guess.haha) ko for getting me through all these. i appreciate you and your help. : )

true dreams and faded memories

am i making up all these crap? am i some kind of a psycho? hope not. doubts just bugs me today, why do i have a descriptive memory of events that no one could remember? whether it all happened in reality or not, i know that deep inside me it felt so true and i am not pleading guilty of any charges. if there is one thing that i am guilty of it would be not making the perfect decisions and not being able to control my mind in digesting random memory. i am not insisting on my sheared memory 'coz maybe i was just making all those up, maybe everything happened in my past life, maybe those were ought to be forgotten.

i had a hard time going out of bed, i slept a bit late na din kc kagabi but good thing i wasn't late nor my sisters. i was actually a bit early kanina, the avr was still closed and only a few people were there pa. the demonstration went okey and time came in a swift. not long before i noticed it, we were about to be dismissed. we decided to eat in mang inasal! yay! favorite chicken... hehe well we decided dun kc medjo malapit lang sa hospital where we were to have our orientation in the afternoon. ayun kain kain, tuksohan and kain ulit haha. btaw nabusog ako ng dinauubos ung rice ko! naks! diet--- di noh! i just consumed one burger and a bottle of iced but not iced tea during our break in the morning kaya i gave some of the rice to Dana. haha takaw! timejust ticked and ticked ng di namin namamalayan, what the! it was almost 1pm when we left the mall and punta na ng hospital.

i was a bit perspiring because we had a small walk from the unloading area to the hospital and took some steps up to the 4th floor. we were happy in our thoughts that finally we could relax in a fully airconditioned room, oh well we were a floor lower when the buzzing sound of the aircondioner greeted us and how delightful it was to us. woohoo! cool breeze all we felt coming, and boom hot air just burst into our face. the room was crowded as in like over flowing with exhausted humans -- angels in hell was probably the most apt description. there were 4 airconditioners and none of it were turned-on, electric fans were rotating but wasn't able to sustain the crowd. i myself was perspiring and had no seat to rest upon, my hanky was soaked wet and did i say i was standing? minutes prior to the orientation the a/c were turned on and felt a little less exhausted but still no extra monoblock to sit in, we just sat on the tables on the side of the halls for the entire duration and felt sleepy but made it a point not to get closer even with a wink -- i did yawn a couple of times but it meant that i am in some kind of homeostasis and calm. anyway what ever the yawns meant, i did got through the first part of the orientation not sleeping. we then had our hospital tour, i had been to that hospital a couple of times already, being an out-patient to having our on-call duty but just now that i came to realize that the complex is bigger than i thought it was. the rained poured in but i walked to the loading area to get a ride alone since ung mga kasama ko were rooting towards different directions. i am one person na di talaga takot mabasa ng ulan haha kaya i walk calmly through the street as if it was a great summer day.

arrived at home around 5pm and i asked our househelp to cook scrambbled eggs for me kc parang nagutom ako and had myself a good rainy day meal. rice soaked in coffee and scrambelled eggs on the side -- one of my fave since i was a kid. i missed eating this and dami ko talaga nakain. busog na busog ako! rest ng konte then i headed to take a shower -- ginaw pero ayos lang naman kaya!

it was like forever since i held my mobile phone ung tipong di binibitawan. haha. yup i was exchanging text messages with ita and funny kc parang binibenta nya friend nya sa akin -- sorry sa term na gamit ko. uhm kc she has this friend pla na kalevel ko and tinanong nya ako if i know her but since im not familiar with the names and couldn't really associate the faces to their names i asked a friend kung kilala nya. my friend knew her pala and naging kabatch daw namin when we had our psychiatric affiliation at the same time ita was describing her pero di nakita ng friend ko sa conference hall. After the orientation, my friend saw her about to go out, ang loko sumigaw ba naman na nagpapasend ako ng regards! what the! kakahiya kaya yun, i mean daming tao good thing parang walang nakapansin or i hope na walang nakarinig. anyway it rained up to (looking out at the window)... ... kanina -- nagstop na pala ngayon ko lang napansin. hehe.

playing since kanina neil sedaka's laughter in the rain... oooh! i hear laughter in the rain... walking hand in hand with the one i love... yaix! managinip ba ng gising! maybe those memories retained on my mind were simply my dreams that i thought really happened... hahayz

furiosity

my class went way beyond our "we don't know what to expect" expectation. it came out well actually, the topic was about arterial blood gases and electro cardiogram though i was able to undergone lessons on abg for the third time already itit just now that it was clear and really easy for me. thank god!

there was this one clinical instructor that was part of the line up assigned to us that has this bad image,not really bad image but something negative or shalli say known to be feared. not as what we assumed he was, we find him or i find him actually really not that intimidating. Though there are traces of his being stiff or being "not terror-free", it was compensated by his effective delivery of the topic so ayos lang din.

it was a huge relief on my part talaga kc the apprehensions and the curiousity were somehow lessened but syempre we have the duty which will start next week i guess that escalated our anticipation in i-don't-know light. hehe. btaw kinda' worried because this will be our first timeto undergo regular rotation in this university as well lecture classes kaya medjo kabado baka di kayanin. prayer katapat and "go with the flow" na motto lang talaga and matatapos din toh and all the fears and apprehensions will be gone. hahayz.

the orientation/lecture/demo for the rle ended passed 12nn na, so before going home i bought myself books toaid me in my duty -- drug handbook and ncp which were a bit expensive talaga pero kailangan eh so i got the books na rin. it was exhausting na and maaliwalas yung panahon but heat starts to sink skin deep kaya uwi na ako and decided to take my lunch at home. i arrived at around 2pm na and it was gloomy na well its rainy season kaya its no surprise --- i took my lunch and rested hanggang nakatulog na ko and it rained na din outside. ooh! i love the rain but the coldness doesn't seem to affect my room. hmmm.. kinda' warm pa din but my sleep just made me quite comfy hehe. so yun lang... grrr one thing i'm not happy bout today is the network coverage... the signal just suck! kainis alang signal! waaah!!!

kid in me

i'm one of those who grew upwith disney, i've seen almost every animated film that disney made for kids and adults na rin. from Snow White which was made long before i was born i think to i guess Hercules where i kinda lose interest on cartoons or probably not really. I could remember na sa pabalik balik ng panonood nasasaulo ko na not just the songs but also ung mga lines -- well upto now naman medjo naaalala ko pa naman ung ibang lines and syempre songs. haha.

kanina tarzan was shown in disney channel, this was one of those movies which where released after i outgrew disney and cartoon network na ung mas pinapanood ko like sina Scooby Doo / Tom and Jerry / Popeye / The Jetsons among others. it was actually my first to time to watch the animated flick and i find it maganda naman -- i like din naman kc ung You'll Be In My Heart (end theme ng Tarzan and performed by Phil Collins) kahit havent seen it pa kayo ayos!.

I found the kid in me na naman ngayon reminiscing my disney days -- i'm currently playing some disney OSTs. Sayang nga lang i don't appreciate the follow-ups of some disney classics,i prefer pa rin talaga ung mga part 1. hehe. cge na nga tuloy ko na pagreminisce, uhm kc i'm not the typical kid na nasa lansangan naglalaro and uuwi sa bahay na madungis. hehe kalaro ko lang talaga dati eh pinsan ko most of the time i stayed at home lang watching tv and naglalaro but not really laro na hyper. Maybe that's why now i can stay inside my room day na walang ginagawa kung hindi maglisten lang ng music at humiga -- as a friend describe it, parang depressed which is so opposite naman when i get to go out in a crowd coz i can be very talkative. hehe. i'm ayt naman with who i am. hehe.

well today i was just here sa bahay nood ng tv, net and listen ng music. wee. sayang hindi umulan anyway i hopei get towatch cartoons again. hehe. other than cartoons dati pinapanood ko power rangers eh. haha. go go power rangers -- it's morphin' time! pati na rin captain planet he's the hero gonna take pollution down to zero. haha. btaw i miss those days na walang pakialam sa ibang channel at tanging cartoons ang pinapanood. hehe. :)

speak out

there are so many things in our lifetime left unsaid... sometimes because we are so afraid of the aftermath... we are afraid that somehow we may hurt someone without realizing that by doing so we just started hurting not just that someone but also ourselves. for the longest time na umiiwas tayo, we come to a point that we are able get the urge to speak out, we are able to gain the gutts to say the things we wanted to say but then again its not all about the talking. tama ka ate sol! its important that we know our goal and we put time in consideration.

for now maybe its better to just live by what we have and maybe just maybe we will find ourleves in the future free, free to take chances and be able to bring up the unsaid and somehow find closure and start all over.

my class kanina went well naman kahit papano i was able to answer sa pre and post tests but i just hope na pumasa at makakuha ng malaking mark. well all i need is to focus lang talaga to the discussion and ill be fine. i was a bit not in the mood talaga -- i dont know so i went home and rested the whole day. after talking to someone over at ym , internet has shut off kaya i just lay on my bed nalang listening to music hanggang nakatulog while the skies poured some rain.

anyway may naalala lang me kc dati pa toh, i dont know if someone has similar sentiments. nakakairita lang tlga pag people makes a big deal bout things like when you say no or somehow you change something. give me a break as if naman akolang yung taong gumaganon, paminsan minsan nga lang me tumatangi or what eh big deal na agad. sometimes napagisip isip ko tuloy na iseclude nalang sarili ko atleast it becomes a norm to other people and its easy to say no. hahayz. issues issues lol. btaw im ayt nakakairita lang minsan but its all fine. sometimes we have to stand for what we opt to do. hehe.

feeling better

rainy season had just made its mark today, the sky was gloomy and consistent. no trace of sun the whole day in here. i just love rain.

my semester officially started kanina and it was fine, we met one of our instructors for this sem and i find her okey -- made me feel better actually and made me at ease even just for the moment. we were oriented regarding her strategies and the syllabus which we actually receive every semester. she had a ran down on the whats and whens and some advices na din from her. election of officers has always been apart of the first days of classes and had been somewhat a form of icebreaker. it is where we can give a laugh or two and we did.
it has became a norm na to makefun out of class elections and somehow put on the pedestal our friends as a form of asar and biruan,laglagan to the max!. it has never been taken seriously and we nominate whom we know and whom we know takes its revenge -- that's the game. after years and years in school, ngayon lang me naging officer kakatuwa i don't even know my role talaga. good thing though atleast i can skip from taking projectors and extension wires to class since it was assigned to the sgt. at arms (lahat ng guys na di na hirang na officer). ano bah talaga role ng dakilang PRO? can someone enlighten me please. hehe. as far as i know salin pusa lang lahat ng officers below the auditor's seat. haha.

we were released early from class, so we opted togo to C and E Bookshop para samahan c vince to get some books and to check na rin for prices. wala me money na dala so di me nakabili but ill buy two books pa to helpme get through this whole nursing episode of my life. hehe. btaw i'm kinda tired na with this but i'm here so kailangan pangatawanan at tapusin and i should graduate march2008. dba God? hehe. we then took our lunch at mcdonald's and kinulit naman ako ng mga friends ko na pumunta sa bahay namin. after a quite long rebutal, i gave in na rin. so they came over to our house and wala lang tumambay lang sa room ko, listen ng music, internet, watch dvd and syempre study. nyak! btaw seriously yup we did scan through our lesson for tomorrow and kinda review pero we started late na. pero ayos din naman.

well after a long time i got connected na rin with Ita, i don't know pero i think were ayt nah. i hope we could could catch up din. anyway yun i'm kinda sleepy na actually kanina pa afternoon but i wasn't able to kc may visitors ako eh. lol visitors ba ang mga yun? haha. btaw had fun din naman kahit papano, kaya ako sleepy kc naman i went to bed late (tigas ng ulo ayaw mag close eyes (haha) and stood up early para pumasok sa skul kaya ngayon -- antok mode.

so shaking

i heard this song over the radio when we went to my lola's place last sunday and kagabi lang ako na remind when i scanned through my phone. I was able to grasp some lines lang and saved it sa phone para masearch ko, kagabi kolang nakita. it is entitled pala... "How Will I Know?" and sung by Whitney Houston.

How Will I Know?
artist: Whitney Houston
words and music: George Merrill/ShannonRubicarn/Narada Michael Walden

Theres a boy I know, hes the one I dream of
Looks into my eyes, takes me to the clouds above
Ooh I lose control, cant seem to get enough
When I wake from dreaming, tell me is it really love

Chorus:
How will I know (dont trust your feelings)
How will I know
How will I know (love can be deceiving)
How will I know
How will I know if he really loves me
I say a prayer with every heart beat
I fall in love whenever we meet
Im asking you what you know about these things
How will I know if hes thinking of me
I try to phone but Im too shy (cant speak)
Falling in love is all bitter sweet
This love is strong why do I feel weak
Oh, wake me, Im shaking, wish I had you near me now
Said theres no mistaking, what I feel is really love

Chorus

If he loves me, if he loves me not (x3)

Chorus

what attracts me in a song tlga and i guess most of us if not all is the beat then next is the lyrics or the thought of the song.

i kinda relate to this song, just change all the he to she and his to her then it will all make sense to me. i admit i am a torpe guy talaga nor i have a good gut-feel add the how being pessimistic i am -- i have low self esteem when it comes to the matters of the heart. hehe.it's one thing i should work on though.

anyway tomorrow my class officially starts and i'm kinda furious and trembling inside right now. i just don't know what to expect, pressure pressure. i hope i can handle everything and i will with God's help syempre. it scares the hell out of me tlga but i know after tomorrow i'll be fine. this is all about taking the first step, ayt?
like asking a girl out, the mere thought of being aggressive in a subtle manner gets your nerves out but once you've drop, everything just pops out and we just let go of the worries. well that's in the case of the torpes -- i guess.

urban legends just scares me a lot. damn! it has been said that a cult has been roaming around the city and now in our place. i really pray for all our safety and like children in all scary,undesirable or umcomfortable stuff -- i wish it will be gone in no time. hehe.

reminded of someone

i woke up late around 11:30 am, maybe because it was kinda' gloomy and it wasn't that hot to wake me up. i was just here in my room listening music for the rest of the afternoon and got to chat din with ate sol uhm medjo matagal na din since the last time she was online. always naman talaga me nagpapatugtog ng music eh but the songs vary talaga depending on what suites my ears at the moment. well last night paulit ulit lang ung Need To Be Next To You to the point tlga na halos di ko nanapapansin ung lyrics and ung song. hehe. weird bah? well its so normal to me. haha. ayun i also got to talk to ianna din a bit online then not long before she had herself offline i went to bed na rin. the song stopped kinaumagahan na ng nagbrown-out, i was awakened but eventully went back to sleep after unplugging the laptop and speakers. it was lunch time when i went out of bed.

kanina mid-afternoon disco/showband songs naman pinatugtog ko, well i have an "ear" for those kind of music tlga.now naman mymp songs and kakatapos lang ng ulan. hahayz anyway wala lang other than nakakatunga i get to read some thread sa pex which got me through boredom and i came across a thread entitled: the one that got away.

upon scanning through the thread napaisip ako and regrets kinda struck me na rin after like 4 years... haha i don't really share things and maybe its time to just open things up kahit online. well not really regrets but "what if's" kinda haunted me again. it was like 4 years as i've said shux this is a revelation. peace sa makakabasa na di magugustohan toh and crossedfingers na rin.

anyway 4 years ago i met this girl na niligawan ko din. as i saw it, ayos na talaga kami like everything seemed to be in place, her family knows bout me and all. she knew everything na bout my intentions din but she wasn't ready to commit. she reassured me when i asked her na di nya ako binubusted and that she liked me a lot. its not bout me it was bout her not being ready to commit. the process just continued talaga kulang lang ng formality-- i wasn't disappointed by her. i just don't know after months and months of waiting bigla nalang lumabo and out of the blue i fell out of it. doubts on my part came to mind kung mahal ko ba tlga xa after that and basta it was struggle. i felt guilty that time that i coudn't tell her what was wrong with me parang i secluded my self from her 'coz i didn't know how and what to do.i was afraid na may mali akong masabi and takot ako na masaktan xa not realizing that time na by the mere actions that i opted to do nasaktan ko na xa. wala talagang closure yun then she had her own life we communicated eventually but we never patched up talaga. i wanted to ask her and to talk to her bout it pero i didn't had the gutts. i didn't know exactly when pero she found someone else na din and now they are still together i guess. i have to admit it came across my mind talaga many times, i felt guilty bout that and regrets na rin and at some point wanted her back. when we see each other naman nagbabatian pa rin but i'm just curious what she's thinking talga kung ano ung mga saloobin niya. hahayz yun.

questions in mind:
pano kaya kung naging kami? will our paths cross again? will she love me again or does she love me still? may natira pa kaya? can i win her back? should i win her back?

realization: im so stupid! i knew she had trust issues and with what i did grr im hell stupid! stupid!

yaix. now playing on my media player: Back Home by MYMP

ano bah toh! i edited the entry and tugtog naman Only Reminds Me Of You by MYMP. hehe
sana sa mga kakilala ko na napadaan wag maxado mag react. hehe

belated father's day

belated happy father's day to all dad out there!

and to all of the kids, Make Your Papa Proud!

well yesterday it was dad's day and it has been part of the tradition that the day is dedicated to all the fathers. before as far as i could remember we celebrate together with some family friends sat Mcdonald's simple breakfast lang. now we barely see our family friends but still we celebrate father's day pa rin naman but not with them. yesterday i woke up late but 12am pa na greet ko na papa ko. hehe we were to go to our lola's house para dun na rin mag celebrate. yey! i was able to eat lechon. haha simply lang naman ung handa eh lechon and steamed lechon manok ata yun.. we just brought cake nalang dumaan kami sa isang bakeshopbefore we proceeded to my lola's. ayun as usual papa ko and uncles ko tong-its mode sila they gamble pero sila sila lang din then kami naka tambay sa sala nanonood ng tv. nothing can stop them from playing cards talaga maghapon yan sila nakaupo, none except pag c ate ju na ung nasa palabas. hehe.

it was around 4:30 or 5 nung tumigil sila when we went to visit my lolo. kinda miss him na talaga it has been like 5 years since he passed away. we prayed and wala lang tambay dun 'til nimbus clouds where forming and was bout to rain. like any other sunday before kami umuuwi dun na rin kami nag didinner, it was already rated k on the tube when we left kc biglang naalala ng papa ko na wala na pla kaming ulam sa bahay pero kc today tlga ung scheduled date ng pag grogrocery eh.

i slept a bit early though kc walang makausap sa ym. :(

kanina i was up at bout 8am ata yun and wala higa higa lang and nag net na din after a few minutes. my auntie texted me and bigla ko naalala na mag grogrocery kaya we met para kunin ko ung money... sa bank kami nagkita andun pala 'lil cousin ko. i decided na rin na isama 'lil cousin ko -- we're not that close talga,anyway he's 2 and i'm 20. hehe pero nakukulit ko rin naman. we passed by sa mall hinayaan kolang xa maglakad kc may harness na man xa eh kaya i still have a grip of him. anyway yun kakaaliw naman. i was like a father for a day. haha.

yung asa grocery na kami, pinasakay ko xa sa cart and di naman xa malikot. minsan i just let him hand me some stuffs para din maaliw. sa kaikot ikot namin sa grocery nagreklamo na xa masakit daw kamay nya kc humahawak xa sa steel para he keeps his balance so pinaupo ko nalang xa dun sa parang na eextend na small basket kaharap ko. turo-turo xa sa ibang stuffs na kinakain o ginagamit nya like the pokemon toothbrush and he joked around na parang natutulog hanggang nakatulog xa ng tuloyan sa cart -- ang cute nya tignan kahit di maayos ung position nakatulog pa rin.

i bumped into my aunt na kanina pa pala tumatawag sa fone ko but di ko napansin kc nakasilent xa always and di rin ako nag vivibrator kaya yun di nalang pala xa tumuloy sa pupuntahan nya and sabay na kami umuwi in a cab.

happy day

my sleep was ayt got through the night without some seconds-waking, i had quite a sound sleep. I had to wake myself up though 9am since me together with my aunt and sis will be going to a computer shop to get some stuff. I didn't have appetite to eat breakfast kaya i just a glass of water and off we go. We were just quick in getting the stuffs and decided to eat at jollibee. I had C3: chicken and spaghetti again and macaroni salad, now that's alli had for breakfast and lunch. kakaaliw coz we had with us my lil cousin na makulit kakatuwa though he rarely bonds with me talaga -- he loves chicken talaga! when we told him that we will be leaving na, he insisted to wait for him to finish and to think he is just two years old. he continued to munch his piece of chickenjoy inside the taxi nung pauwi na kami.

when we arrived home, my bro told us na he had asked permission from my mom to watch fantastic four, its been a week na din xa nagyayaya to watch it,interested naman din me dun but sa dami din ng nagyaya sa akin i didn't really give to anyone. since it was saturday naman and parang in the next weeks we will all be busy na sa school i decided na rin na din to watch with my bro and sisters.

ayun ligo na naman ako and nagbihis kahit kakarating lang namin from the city then off we went to the mall. we agreed na magpapicture muna sa fuji kaya pose kami ng pose for 10 shots and only to find out na nasira nung staff ung memory card and we should be taken again. i said babalik nalang kami since we gotta catch up with the movie at di kami gabihin and so we headed to the cinema. nood noodnood well i find the movie great -- Sacrifice was written all over. it's kinda cool though that in this installment of fantastic four parang its not all action and may puso din nyak! basta it's nice talaga for those who haven't watch it,u gotta see the movie.

after the movie we then went back to the photo studio and had our shots taken. it was dinner time already when the movie ended so i decided that we take our meals while waiting for the photos. we ate at Mandarin Tea Garden but too bad they ran out of pork chop rice kaya i had steamed fish and chicken feet. this wasn't really the first time na we went out na kami lang magkakapatid and i really enjoy dining out with them. though we were slight of budget kaya nag abono pa ako konte ayos lang busog din naman and then we got our photos and went home na.

i asked my cousin's bf to help me out in installing and assembling my sisters new desktop pati na rin ung router. i'm notechy person really kaya i need his help talaga lalo na when it comes to manuals -- that's a big oh oh! talaga for me. buti nalang he's here to aid me kaya now i'm enjoying wireless connection at home. hehe the new printer din is also ready to use na din and got a new speaker din kaya happy and the fact that my siss have their own unit na din -- happy talaga.

chicken all the way!

for i think 3 straight days i ate chicken barbecue for dinner... i don't know wala akong gana kumain during dinner time ng kung ano except this kaya wala i gave in. hehe among all the meat, poultry meat is second to my list second to fish meat. anyway i woke up early talga around 7:40am but sarap ng tulog ko grabeh parang ayaw kong bumangon then i watched tv lang the whole morning, uhm some old cartoons lang -- scooby doo! wee one of my faves.

earlier this afternoon naman we went to a block of tiangge! taiwanese booths actually to get some clothes for my sisters. mura na maganda pa! grabeh naubos ung 2k for clothes and dami din nabili... so cool i hope guy clothes are not that scarce... anyway some clothes were similar to kamiseta's clothes differ in the material nga lang. sulit na sulit ung nabili namin, after anhour or so we finally got we wanted and nagutom so we decided to eat nah sa mcdonald's.

it was already since i crave for mcdonald's chix and today i had it. yey! parang bata! hehepero syempre kfc talaga pinaka gusto... i had chix and spaghetti... mas masarap pa din ung pasta ng jollibee but it was ayt for a change kc for the past few months jollibee/greenwich lagi eh and busog din naman eh kaya ayos lang din. we then went home and rode a cab na rin-- i was tired na din talaga.

that'show i spent the city's charter day -- yep! today is our city's charter day and so no classes!

compensation

i moved like a total wreck, i never got an itch to sleep and so i was all over the house early morning. i ate light breakfast at 5am, i had sunny side up and rice lang. i headed to the bathroom and took my time for some hygene,im not really sensitive with cold so ayun okey lang without jitters. i was early at school damn! i got the 7am message but 7:30 pala talaga ung nakapost buti nalang Dana came early so ayun may nakakausap ako then sunod sunod napagdating ng iba.

we waited for quite a long time nah two hours and the gates of the civic center were not yet opened so we had to wait outside whith no seat to rest as the crowd started to grew. i saw some kakilala that i've never seen for quite some time now and usap usap 'til we were allowed to come in. we look for seats and waited for the program to start, the bleachers are being occupied and familiar faces passed through our lane. after a long wait and a few yawns the emcees for the morning came to stage. the program was quite corny though and fullof dead air -- it was a trying hard to be lively show off. laughs and kantsaw were all over the place this morning, some from the heart and some for the sake of responding. my fave part? when some clinical instructors danced to the tune of fame! i'm gonna live forever... and in the middle of the shakes and grooves the dean joined them and give her crazy thriller michael jackson moves. if you could imagine our dean did the moves of mark ruffalo and jennifer garner in 13 going on 30 --- it's amusing and it made me appreciate the authority. people broke into laughter with that one and my sleepiness subsided quite a bit.

we expected that the program will end around noon but to our surprise and rellief it ended quite early around 10:00am --- my stomach was crumbling and i felt high na talaga. we decided to take our lunch na din so we went to the mall and decided to eat at Mandarin Tea Garden and as usual i got myself porkchop rice + chicken feet. sarap talaga! for starters we had a few talks din, ung bf kc nung friend ko ayaw sa amin kc daw parang pinagtutulongan daw namin xa para hiwalayan, uhm infairness din to us we are reasonable naman din eh. too bad for him to say that kc it worsen his status not just to us but to his gf. hehe. after which we then went rounds sa mall which made me sleepy na talaga. how weird of me talaga, napansin ko na whenever i go malling naaantok talaga ako.i waited nalang na maikot namin buong mall saka me nagpaalam kc di ko na makayanan and took a cab homewhich was so relaxing. i seated front then tinutok aircon sa mukha ko and just tried to be comfortable and relax, i tried to take a nap pero wala din -- i still feel a bit nauseated and lutang. On the radio naman no songs were played since it was noon so talk show was on air but not really the talk show it was more of an advice something show so kinig na rin ako.

the caller was asking an advice for a friend -- i doubt though kung sa friend ba talaga kc dba it's an overused tactic. anyway her friend daw was having this long distance relationship, then biglang umiiwas ung guy sa mga tawag and all... ... then one time daw pumunta ng Cebu ung guy then nung nag text ung girl,"ex" nung guy ung nagreply and said na okey lang daw na dalawa sila kc, apparently nag two time ung guy. basta sa lahat ng sinabi nung caller it seemed na ung guy ayaw na sa girl and so confused daw and girl kc they didn't broke up naman daw. so yun she was left hanging daw pero given naman yun na ayaw na so why stay dba dba? hehe. anyway it's the least of my concern. hehe

i got home after a brief travel, i just took off my shoes and rested on the cushion at the tv area.sa wakas i was able to get some sleep it was already passed sunset when i woke up -- 17 hours of not resting compensated by 6. now again i'm not near my sleep.i guess.i think. i hope not.

idle

3:46 am on the clock and i can't get myself to sleep, i woke up late and managed to get some sleep late in the afternoon that's probably the reason why the hell i am awake. i will be at school early tomorrow for a "general assembly" which means tenting my lids with some toothpicks time.

i don't know these past few months or weeks i've been a total idle,i just don't feel like moving. is it the people i will be with? probably i don't really know when in fact all i do at home is staring at the lcd screen, lying around the cushion as in nothing much. hehe. i didn't blog in because i didn't had much to say either. my life is getting boring and boring as days go by, i am too passive -- waiting in thin air.

my room is almost done-- fixtures nalang ung kulang and some minor carpentry i guess. painting work is done and quite satisfied with the outcome, i like the feel of my room now more than ever. i moved in some of my things already also and kinda planning to sort my clothes as to clear some space and rub off unneccessary stuffs.

im thinking of blogging in some bits and pieces of what i did early this week and what the! i can't remember anything from monday! omg what's happening to me. gaps. anyway tuesday went to school i guess -- wait let me check some messageson my fone,ah right went to school for no clear reason. it was first day of classes for some colleges but for us, nah nah enrollment is still on and for us early birds we were just there on hold. we then decided to grab lunch at the mall and as usual greenwich again, i had chix ala king and macaroni. we were talking over lunch and masid masid sa mga tao in the vicinity. hala! muntikan na 'ko mapahamak when i commented on some girl's outfit, kasama pala niya katabi namin buti nalang di narinig. haha. i'm very particular din kc of what people wear eh, dapat it should be appropriate to the one wearing specifically. Don't just wear for the sake of uso or for the sake that it looks good on manequin. what coud be worse than a dress which looks like a rug dress or "daster" on her, no offense to those who loves rug dresses and to whom ever produced that dress.it's just that the person wearing it couldn't wear it right -- i like seeing girls on dresses it's a turn-on but in that case it's way beyond a turn-off. i just hope her bf cares that much.

a friend's father passed away but i didn't had plans going to the wake, since before pa talga i don't feel going to wakes though i sympathize and send my condolences. some friends were encouraging me to come with them that night but i dont feel like going and i don't want to go din forced for the sake of showing up so i never really fixed my mind and confirmed. i went to the gym and was expecting to meet my sister at the mall after. while at the gym was texting with my sister negotiating bout our meet up til she implied that she was coming and so i immediately prepared to go and waited for her. i was to buy stuffs needed for my room and i assumed she had the money earlier pa ayun pala di pa nakuha and she just texted me na di nya nakuha ung money! grrr. kaya ayun i grab some nalang pinagkasya ko money at hand and went straight home sa inis -- just took a cab kc pagod ako and it was drizzling already.

i forgot nah bout the wake and it was passed our supposed meeting time when i remembered and got hold of my fone. i texted nalang my friends na di me makakapunta. now yesterday i just stayed at home lang, dumating packages na padala ng mom ko but i didn't have stuffs there talaga mostly things para sa mga kapatid ko but i'm fine with it though. hehe yun lang... now its an hour after i started writing this entry and still no signs of dreams and zzzzZZZZ. as MYMP's New Horizon is on my media player, i'm so wide awake and a few minutes from now my alarm will be ringing.

friend of mine

its wee hours and here i am infront of my laptop in the darkness of our living room--- yep the smell of paint in my room is sooo irritating that i opted to stay outside instead. technically this is my second post for the day, but this entry still entails about my life hours ago or shall i say a day ago. i was suppose to add this nalang to the previous post but its too lengthy already so i created a separate one for this.

as i was scanning through youtube for videos after blogging kanina -- wala lang kc i'mnot yet sleepy talga or i have a hard time catching a nap since imnot used to sleeping here, anyway ayun i found MYMP's video for "Friend Of Mine", OST ng Close To You. Their version was used for promotion for the movie which starred John LLoyd Cruz /Bea Alonzo and Sam Milby. That made me realized that I haven't blog in bout me watching the flick kanina over the tube. I totally forgot bout it kaya pala as i was bloging nagtaka ako kc konte lang ginawa ko for the long afternoon. hehe. gaps talaga!

anyway it was featured in saturday blockbusters something sa abs andit was my second time to watch the movie. well i just don't wanna remember the first time i saw this movie in the silver screen, the movie was nice and can in anyway relate.hahayz. don't wanna remember that day.

its so hard talaga to fall for a friend/bestfriend,you just can't move your way and worst part you can actually get the chance to burry yourself alive. yes you love her and you get to hear/see everything bout her including her exciting lovelife -- yeah hell exciting!. All you can do is to accept and accept while stabbing yourself on your back (how would that be possible? hehe.), you don't wanna be bias to yourself and create an image of a selfish,ruthless(spell check?) advantage taker. In the end you are left behind.. a loser with a tormented heart, anyway it wasn't the ending of the movie, john lloyd the bestfriend ended up with bea but movies are movies its not my life.

but no regrets though, it was me and i know i loved the best i can and maybe its karma but it came late though well maybe i shouldn't over analyze things and just let it be.

link for the music video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8kRxJ2pRvGM

i puzzled it just now, uhm yesterday pala was all about coincidence.
*i was to read and comment on fritz' blog but it was too complex,that i just couldn't stand and finish it then my horoscope was telling me bout poor mental absorption.
*i was able to watch "close to you" again and you have watched it then you know how can it be related to fritz' post. hehe.platonic "friendship" love and romantic love. hehe.

btaw my brain is not in a good condition right now.hehe. kinda distorted still so thanks for reading and bearing with me :)

poor mental absorption

coincidence or not, my zodiac said Mental Absorption isn't my forte today and hell yeah! before check on my horoscope in friendster kanina i was chatting with some block b piipz over at ym and fritz blog was on the headline. fritz' work are really amazing but too deep, the play of words and the construction is quite complex --- it's indepth.

after reading i tried to pick up pieces of fallin vocabulary but i just can't seem to build a comment and so i just let it skip and never really think of it as a liability. i went chatting with them, it's an all new block b really, everyone seemed to become open and okey talking about things we don't tackle dati... things we thought too private and too tresspassing to ask about. ayun talk talk i got to ask my set of questions,and were answered naman.

i went to get paint but then uwi agad and i was just at home the whole afternoon. now naman i just got online an hour or so and wala lang quite boring. i got to see fritz' blog and another post from him,ill post the link below together with a comment i made but haven't posted it at his blog.

link:http://fritzside.blogs.friendster.com/psychowriter_rebirth_the_/2007/06/our_destiny_in_.html

"first thing, your not the alone fritz, i aint have a gf.
second, the phrase as i understand it seemed to convey a sense of individualitydespite the unity of two individuals. i also do think that relationships shouldbe in that sense, somethings may be shared but you have to have a life of your own.
and lastly my 2cents regarding your post.i agree that its so hard to break thewalls of friendship and it is harder to find out that after you've broken thatwall you end up nothing but hey! itsnot all bad though yes you are hurt but thenext time you get hurt you wont have a hard time relieving the painof being dumped.
no comment on those asking of numbers and doing things coz you are really greaton those things and you do have tons of confidence by doing those alone. i knowi'm not in the positionof telling you this pero sayang fritz because after thatdose of confidence you just shut down. that's were you have to work out -- hahamurag true.
anyway what is hard and b+llshitty on being on the friend's zone,you get the chance to burry yourself. haha. on the other note stepping forward is scary but once youjump to it and finally say it,allyou have to worry then is whether she'll say yes or no and if you made the wrong turn its all up to you whether you let her walk her wayor to stay right behind her still and back to being "a friend".
important thing though before you step forward make sure that you've shown her that you liked her more than friends and you should show her that not just out of the blueyou came out and say "i love you" hehe you should build the ambience muna fritz... hahayou should have been with her muna for atleast the whole afternoon before you droppedthe bomb... gets?
about the question regarding being with someone i wanted back then? uhm i would take the chanceto really go back... haha damn me! how could i be stupid back then. haha.
well sorry sa quite distorted thoughts. haha that's all i could grasp for now. mental absorptions isn't my forte today as my horsocope says. oi thanks for sharing ah!"

yep you read it right,i don't have a gf and looking... ahaha btaw kinda boring to be alone but still can live no worries.

ouch!

my tears were unstoppable and my nose barado talaga. i'm tired talaga though now medjo okey na nakatutok ung fan sa akin while watching tv and blogging at the same time. My forearm aches talaga,i just don't know kung what caused this aching pero para xang soft lump(meron kayang ganun? hehe) but medjo kaya naman.

anyway painting has started already, cabinet for the clothes is done and for now it's good bukas na ulet ung tapusin ung ibang parts peroi guess hanggang monday pa toh. finally nafinalize (redundant maxado!) ko na ung colors and got it na rin. maybe sa pag bitbit ko ng binili kong paints na ano ung forearm ko, bout the paints naman so far na kuha ung gusto kong mga kulay. i dropped the grayish-violet and decided to have nalang ung parang mocha instead then a shade of yellow green naman for the accent wall and the furnitures will be all shade of black with a tint of brown. hehe.

anyway my sister helped out in painting, ako tagamasid lang.haha. now i'm grasping for story to tell here while charo santos is narrating for mmk's episode. maja salvador starred this week's episode and kawawa aba naman kc hinabilin sa kanya ung baby ng friends nya who apparently has no courage to face the problem they created and xa naman can't say no. hmmmm. kaya sometimes we should say no! -- haha. watta piece of advice na di naman inaapply sa sarili. hahayz.

naubosan na ako ng ikwekwento, anyway 'til here nalang muna gotta check out the fridge, i'mcraving for something i don't know pa kung ano.hehe.peace out!

shopping!

it has been a good day for me and not so good for my sole. i woke up late at around 10am and prepared agad kc today we were to buy things needed for school. all were charge on my aunt's credit card so parang di maxado kakatakot na bumili ng bumili. hehe. i had my breakfast at jollibee kc nga dba late na ako nagising,kaya yum with cheese ung breakfast ko,nasusuka talaga because of the dalandan juice and so when it was time for lunch kontin lang kinain ko,i had macaroni salad and konting chicken for lunch.

ayun we hopped from one store to another para bumili ng mga kakailanganin including some newpiecesof clothes. what i got for myself was, "tick-tack" shoes --- a term i could recall being used by people dati like when i was small, actually it is the black formal shoes for school. i also got two polo shirts from giordano -- this is my fave tag aside from bench because of their comfy clothes,other than those i got a sports shorts and hair clay doh and yun school supplies ehich include books na i know can help me surpass my LAST YEAR in college.

with God's help no doubt i will be able to surpass this school year and be able to graduate on time. after buying everything we went home na,but had a take out from mcdonald's pa. it was gloomy the whole afternoon and not until we went home na bumuhos ung ulan. it was 6pmwhen we arrived and my things were all over the house kc my cabinets were painted but unfinished because nag kulang ung paint kaya bukas ihave to buy additional paint. hahayz

we had dinner na rin and recycled ung ulam from kaninang lunch dito sa bahay madami kase natira. nood t,nagonline ng sandali and then covered the books i bought. now again i'monline and at the same timewatching tv kase naman can't sleep at my room kc mabaho and maxadong maraming alikabok. hehe.

weird dream

it rained this afternoon and after a brief bath i fell asleep infront of my laptop. it has been days since i was working on my enrollment and not until now that i have accomplished everything and got enrolled at around 2:30pm. i woke up around 8am this morning and really had a weird dream, weird not in a bad way.

i dreamt of somebody, uhm she's a friend of mine i'mnot quite sure if she considers me a friend though lol. well we talk most often than not but haven't really met her but seen her already anyway ayun di ko nalang inanarrate ung dream kc it's a "feeler" dream talaga. i wish it was true but malabo mangyari kaya ill just keep it to myself nalang but nice dream pero the question is bakit siya? at bakit ganun?...probably because she was the last person on my mind before i fell asleep kc.. too much information already. basta weird but nice and sweet :)

ayun as i woke up gusto ko pa matulog uli, medjo masakit ulo ko then iprepared na for enrollment.woo! big day kc culmination day for all my worries and stress regarding enrollment but before it trully ended binitin pa kami.it was already around 11am when we finished processing including validation,so we headed to the improvised photo studio to have our photos taken and finally get our identification cards. madaming pumila and we waited there until matawag kami, and we just chit chat,sang along kanta kanta ng mga kantang disney --i guess almost everyone grew up with disney and it's kinda cool that until now we remember those musical themes including some lines from the characters; and practice our smiles pero sad to say only 3 sa aming magkakasama ang natawag then they announced for lunch break..excluding me kaya my smile have to wait for atleast an hour and half for it to be printed out. we decided to take our lunch at SM ad so we went, quite embarrasing though kc pasakay na kami dali dali ng cab when the driver realized na 6 pala kami and pinapababa kami grrr in the middle of the street waaah! we decided nalang to take another cab so tatlo for each cab and off we went to the mall.

after eating,nag window shopping muna kc wala ding perang pang shopping kaya tingin tingin, giordano / travel club / bookshop / bodyshop /bossini and department store. Ayos din kc we had time to know each other ng mga kasama ko kahit like medjo matagal na kami nagkakasama. dami dinpala kaming similarities eh, we were 3 boys and 1 girl ung magkakasama kc ung 2 girls eh lumisan haha watta term. napag usapan ung about clothes when we went to the department store, and we boys agreed that it'smore fitting for girls to wear dress and mas maganda when girls wear polo shirts / button downs with minis and high heels. hehe naalala ko dati crush na crush ko c heart evangelista nung bago pa xa. hehe.

after a few more talks and walks, it was 2pm na pala andso we decided togoback to school na, and damn i hate my photo sa identification card ko,ang panget ng pagkakuha. grrr i have better photos than that. huhu but happy na din at sa wakas tapos na din and i am officially enrolled for the first semester this school year and the weather seemed to celebrate with me. kung kaninang umaga it was hot, malakas na hangin and quite gloomy naman nung pauwi na ako. i went downtown and got some materials for my room,actually pipinturahan na xa bukas. hehe

it was gloomy and so i decided to walk from my stop,which was gaston park near the cathedral to the hardware shop..uhm around 3 or 4 blocks away, bought the necessary materials and took a cab home. it was so so traffic talaga and with the jam i have good and bad things in mind... good since i am in a super comfortable ride, and bad since i had the meter running meaning got to give out some more. i arrived home at around 4pm cguro yun and nagutom ako hehe plus my cousins were at home kaya i decided to cook pasta and as usual multi tasking, cooking while inaaliw ung my baby pinsans sa bahay good thing i had my elder cousins to help me in the cooking.

after eating and doing some dishes,ung gusto ko lang hugasan haha i took a bath and rested ng konte-- it was raining heavy outside. i watched tv and fell asleep but woke upin time for the news. hehe. first ten senators elected to be proclaimed/Zubiri vs. Pimentel for the 12th slot / a german expat was killed / kris aquino is back on tv / Will Ferrel and Sacha Cohen kissed at the MTV Movie Awards --I am reminded of the Britney/Madonna/Cristina headliner kiss years ago which i unfortunately saw years after it went of the spotlights f imnot mistaken last year kolang yun napanood sa youtube. haha

and now i'm on my bed waiting for the night fairies to lend me my sleep while rain puring outside and hopeful for another dream maybe not weird but as good as the dream i had.wink!

one at a time

literaly,we took each day as it is and accomplish things one at a time -- yesterday we had our clearance signed, today we got our enhancement clearance/certification and tomorrow hopefully we will be done with our enrollment and officially become 4th year students for the school year 2007-2008. this is my fifth year in college, yup 5th year, after failing a subject and transfered to another school, its all moving forward for me now.

the katulong i was talking about in the last entry, arrived with her family earlier this afternoon just when i arrived also from school. i am happy to see her after quite a long time, her being away. i really look up to her, she's one of the best when it comes to housekeeping,no doubt. It's a bit different now though with her family around but i hope same old workmanship she would offer. Ayun because i know they were tired fromtheir travel, i decided to cook dinner nalang for all of us. i went to cook beef in brocolli,uhm ayos naman ung taste hehe i may sound bias and i should be after all this is my blog. lol. btaw then asked my younger bro to cook scrambbled eggs so there, our simple dinner. hehe

while preparing for dinner, i got to chat with a ym friend i don't get tochat with mostof the time and she was telling me bout her reading this blog. i was quite surprise i guess and i assume that she's the only person who had actually read the blog and that kept my smile on my face. i'm happy really, super thanks talaga. i would just want to apologize lang din for the late replies, and keep that smile on your face it's cute.hehe. no joke and keep your faith alive and everything will be ayt.

well the day went well, i guess and tomorrow is another day ahead of us so let's face it with warmth and hope that soon it will be dark again :)

problematic cycle

it has been a long day for me, but quite relieving -- i got my clearance signed already. i got help from some friends, naubos nga lang load ko but it was for a good cause kaya ayos lang. hehe. we called up our instructor then connected him to another instructor and ayun tapos na, i made my mind already pa naman na if ever i wont get my clearance it signed today then i will go for davao talaga. ayun bukas na kami magpapaenroll, thats in the afternoon kc we want sana na magkakalase kami ng mga kakilala ko and the section now has 7 slots left so baka bukas ng afternoon a new section will be opened and maging magclassmates kami.. sana lang talaga.

after school i went to get grocery, grabeh dami ko pinamili and the stress of making sure that i won't be out of budget was again on me but ayos naman. i saw my mama's cousin at the grocery kasama ung pamangkin nya na superkulit -- my godson actually. ang kulit ng bata grabeh, he would run and run around the perimeters and basta and he's smile is just adorable. hehe. i had dinner with them narin,sarap ng kinain ko! hehe. we ate at Mandarin Tea Garden and finally went home na pagod.

another problem came about,not school related though, my papa said that ung katulong na matagal na hinahanap namin will be coming over bukas. She was actually dati sa uncle's ko pero nabuntis xa so she went to their hometown and we really love her workmanship talaga so yun hinanap namin xa. unfortunately there seemed to be a problem now, dati nung pinaalam ng papa ko na nakita na niya and nasabihan na rin na dito xa sa bahay, she has her family and had to bring them with her and my papa said na ung husband niya hahanapan ng work and dun natutuloy.now the problem is, un nga it was too soon kase bukas na agad and sabi ng papa was her whole family will stay here sa house hanggang makahanap ng work for her husband. my point naman is it is a different story na pag ganun, we have one room to give up and our house basically will be too crowded and liit lang bahay namin. another point is that di pa itona didiscuss ng mom ko. di naman cguro pwepwede yun so i told my papa bout it now sana nga man lang inisip ng papa ko muna... i dont know how to resolve this talaga. hahayz

yun lang naman nangyari sa day ko it started with one problem and ended with another problem. ang saya ng buhay ko noh?

wasted

i loose contact with our instructor, so i am left hanging with question whether or not my clearance will be signed tomorrow and will be enrolled in the afternoon together with some people i know. i know it was my fault i didn't kept myself posted.hahayz how dumb of me and now all i can do is pray and hope for the best. well prayer works often times with me, as long as we have faith nodoubt with that. hahayz

i was quite preoccupied and stuck with the idea that my clearance has not been signed,as i have said i loose contact with our instructor and medjo i'm kinda hesitant to text him still kc baka nakukulitan na xa maxado. we stayed at home lang today, watched dvd kc there was no cable signal almost the entire day it wnet back mga around 5:30pm na kaya dvd lang had no net either since the connection was through our cable operator din.

i'm worried and wasted bout my enrollment talaga, and naiiyak nlang ako too many problems talaga buti nalang i'm not into suicide. hahayz. good thing also that Dana, a friend of mine kept me cool and really made me feel better. thanks dan for the short chat! so helpful to me! tama ka i need to concentrate on what i can do now :) you're one of a kind talaga dan iba charms mo! hehe sana classmates pa din tau this coming semandtilwe graduate btaw thanks thanks!

so yun and i prepared na din ung mga ayos na na requirements and will be going to school bukasfor i dont know really reason pero i know God hasplans for me tomorrow morning. hahayz

night out

it's pass 1 in the morning and just arrived home froma saturday night out. yeah! nightout with my family, well sila lang naman madalas kong kasama eh. it was around 5pm when papa texted us that we will have dinner out so we then prepare,actually my younger brother did, it has always been that way... i am the last to move and definitely not the last to finish-- i'm done and either of my younger sibblings has not finish but usually my younger brother do.

so we went there on a cab, opm music ung tinugtog, hale's song was being played --shooting star and i find it actually nice though heard it already but not until today that i actually appreciated the song. hehe. so we were in Inilog already, on the other table there was my tito with a companion and my papa drinking some light beer. we then took the other table and ordered, we had crispy pata /pancit canton and round steak and naubos namin lahat. hahaha. We've been there a couple of times already and i actually like the place,the area is open air and night lanterns hanging all over the place which lightens up the space. Acoustic entertainment is what they offer and wala kakaaliw din --im just into music kase so kahit un lang solve na ako. Mostly old songs ung tinugtog dun and the performers aremostly matured so yun kadalasan country or acoustic classics and tonight one of my fave songs was performed,Carly Simon's "You're So Vain" if your familiar with that... uhm part of the OST of How To lose a Guy In 10 Days which starred Kate Hudson and Mathew McConaughey.

Yun after dinner we didn't left agad, kwentuhan with my papa muna bout yung family history namin lol watta term! anyway i learned a lot of truths bout my father's side ng family and pati na din ung mga history ng mga pangalan namin naungkat din. hehe. Mine i knew before already how my name came about, according to my papa kc "paolo" was derived from one of brazil's sikat na soccer player na c Paolo Rozzi, my pa is actually a soccer enthusiats dati when he was still in college pero di nga lang halata sa katawan ngayon. haha btaw yun and "jan" was just added but when i researched "jan" pala is a Czech for "john". What i didn't know was balak pala ng papa ko dati na isunod sa pangalan nya ko pero buti nalang at di na tuloy kc makaluma maxado and yun din nagpabago daw sa isip ng papa ko, so sana pala "the third" ako parang Tirso Cruz the 3rd.hehe.

after the kwentuhan,ayaw pa umuwi ng papa ko kc daw this is the last night out and magsisimula na classes so wala na maxadong labas labas. we got the bill and we went to plaza dvsoria since it was saturday night it means there's night cafe and market but we left the car dun kase mahirap ung parking and rode a motorella paputnang plaza dvsoria. we went dun sa kakilala niya, my stall daw sila dun and we stayed there. My papa handed us money pambili ng ice cream,so went to mc donalds and bumili -- i got Mc Flurry. hehe. kakaaliw na part kc ung younger sister ko wasn't familiar with mc flurry kc maka jollibee eh actually we've never been to Mcdonalds for 2 years i guess na kami magkakasama so ung bunso naming dalawa di maxado familiar. natatawa kami, nung sabi ko pa na hot fudge ung sabihin wag chocolate sundae, nagreklamo at sabi pareho lang daw yun. hehe.

kain kain kami umupo sa plaza dvsoria habang nagmamasid din sa crowd na andun. i had a massage din sa blind masseurs who had a tent at plaza dvsoria, grabeh kung pumisil tagos hanggang boto. haha. ayos din nakakarelieve actually and after nagpahinga papa ko after massage eh umuwi na kami, we went back to Inilog to get the car and uwi.

i'm happy with the night out. :)

traffic jam

i cried myself to sleep, well technically no but yes i cried before going to sleep and you might be surprise. mababaw luha ko talaga, but i just can't explain what pushed me to cry last night. i felt consumed, too many things kept running through my mind, old issues was overloading my head --friends future and everything else.

anyway that was last night, i was on my bed almost the whole day finding resolution to some problem regarding my unsigned clearance not until 3pm that i decided to go to the city and how glad ami to do so. i went straight to plaza dvsoria to return the broken dvds that i got and had it exchanged, i went to a hardware shop to inquire some prices-- actually it was my friends' family who owns it and fast i went to the printing press to get the paper i sent for binding the other day i almost forgot that it was due today and then decided to buy nalang the stuffs at the hardware so ayun i went back pero it was block away so ayos lang din. i was amused everyone was so busy in the streets,everyone was preparing for their dispays for the night cafe and market -- i just missed fridays... feet on the streets of plaza dvsoria til ngiht falls.

early in college our classes would end at five and we would just hang out there at plaza dvsoria,we would just take our pick where to stay among the several food shops in the vicinity. we would just chitchat bout anything and everything as the streets are slowly being filled by people some dine at the night cafe and others just buy things fromthe night market but good old days were long over.

i got a ride, it was quite a walk,i sat inside the cab comfortablly as i shot the door close and all i heard was spiral staircase boys sung "ohh i love you more today than yesterday... everyday is a new day everytime i love you..." but outside the window everyone where doing their own thing, putting up their tents, unloading their stocks and everything. anotherold song followed but i wasn't familiar and i just took a glimpse outside as we took a route that for years i passed by not until i transfered to mypresent school. now it was avril lavigne's "why" was playing on the radio, i like this song and i like ate ju's version of this one. it was one of the songs in their repertoire that made people yell and cheer. i was worried because ate ju went down the stage after some songs and i sold over a hundred tickets, i can't imagine i sold 7-8 songs for 250. good thing kuya chin stayed and after a few seconds or a minute she went back, what a relief it was just part of their stint. everyone cheered after seconds or a minute of silence andd dismay and a familiar tune was played it was the song being played on the cab's radio.

it was so traffic, i know manila got the worse traffic ever it was summer and we went down from tagaytay it was dinner time and we were tired. papa decided not to eat at baywalk since there were to many people and the parking was too far and so from there we opted to go home to qc and there not far from baywalk we were stuck in a jampacked traffic situation. it was almost 10 when we arrive qc allwasted. time after time was on the radio and still stuck in the traffic, i was heading to limketkai to get my lab results and submit myself to physical check-up and after go to the gym. sugar ray just faded and the cab was already infront of the mall just in time.

i just waited for quite a bit and i was done with the labbutone thing in my mind i was 10lbs lighter than the last timei weighed in. im just surprise to know that but maybe it was a different weighing scale that's why. i headed for the gym,it was aero time. Mainstream songs were the beat this time which includes Bonie Bailey's Ever After and UD4's Kembot. hehe Ayun sayaw sayaw and all the mirrors just made me so concious-- i just didn't feel the same when i danced a fewmonths back. haha fun part Earth Wind and Fire hits' Let's Groove and September were used also and kakatawa ung steps kakatuwa ang kulit. hehe plus plus i couldn't get it all right. haha ayun after uwian time na it was late na din.

"When Both Ends Meet"

Life has not been easy for me
but it was worth the try
i embrace as darkness come
and never tried to cease the coldness of the night
there are those things that i wished changed
but i never took the courage to stand
i was just there allowing the fast facade
to consume myself
i never really utter a word or two
i was a pleaser more than anything else
i was passive taking in whatever is offered
and not asking for what i deserve
i wish i could have been stubborn
could have been less than good to the eyes of others
rather than being a failure to myself
and probably to others
silently i live a life of so so
not knowing where to go
im stuck between evils,between a lie and selfishness
but both ends with me
i wonder how would it be
when time allows us to be somebody
when we become someone to others
when we become something in the world

-janpaolo (June1,2007)