happy death

Today, my lola passed away.. 82 years of probably happy years, why probably? because she's the only person who can attest to the happiness or fulfillment that she could have felt in her lifetime.

it's past 2:30am in the morning, 8hours after she expired, and infront of me is her casket. i never really cried, after getting some groceries i waited for my lil bro from school, my lola was weak lying on the hospital bed.

it was 5 or so when we left home as my lola was grasping for breath the priest made his final prayers and softly but deeply made a sign of the cross at the old woman's forehead and finally she rested after 82 years.
-august 17, 2:30am

it's been 11 days since the old woman in her early 80s passed and i guessed everyone moved on. well actually i don't wanna sound nosy but i think everyone has accepted it since day 1. i really didn't cry hard,yes shed tears but not until the internment. Tears not of sorrow nor happiness but tears because somehow the supposedly gaps were remembered, memories that were left unrecalled until that day.

It was a happy death, yes you read it right -- a happy death. It was a death that was accepted, a death that percieved as better, my grandmother had a peaceful death somehow.

I was catching my breath after climbing the ramp and stairs alternately as we approached the room, i was with my brother. He opened he door, silence was in the air and i heard my uncle said "wala na c lola".I didn't know what i felt, i didn't got teary eyed, it was as if normal as if it was anticipated. i had my goodbyes and kissed her on the forehead. it wasn't a typical mourning family -- yes we were silent but we managed to smile, we managed to laugh.

It was nearly midnight when she was finally placed in a casket. It was my first to view the process and i did had the courage to stay after all that was my lola. It was my first to my father shed tears, i didn't know what to do, i was just there silent. the wake lasted for 5 days and i was there for the entire duration, i go home though early morning to take a bath -- sorry! i have to and i just can't take a bath anywhere else. hehe.

Probably many were and would be shock if they would be able to witness the whole wake. Weird but yeah our family is that cool. hehe. Internet yeah yeah we have that and my cousins would laughed hard watching some youtube funny vidz. Jokes and jokes -- related to my grandmother,death or anything under sun, just filled the room day by day as if it was a typical family day. i dunno that's who we are -- some psycho family disorder probably. haha.

Well what's good when someone dies, sorry to those i offend, is that family and friends got to have this some sort of an unplanned but a bit compulsive reunion. hehe. i met some of my 2nd degree cousins,aunties and uncles whom i never met and i couldn't remember. I was able to "bless" to my tito and titas and some of my ninongs and ninangs whom i could no longer recognize because they had not religiously given me my presents. lol loko lang. Yes it is quite amusing yet unfortunately my lola couldn't anymore see our smiles, the events that succeeded after her death.

it was a happy death, as i would and will always describe it.