uncertainties

it has been like a month or so that i've been trying to patch up things with you after 4 long years of silence. trying to cover the gaps between us, i wanted to correct my mistakes but i know i no longer can correct it,it has been done, you have your life now. it could have been easier if i had the courage that until know i just can't seem to gather. i guess what was unsaid before, we were able to somehow tackle. i thought that was all it that i needed from you, i thought that i just want closure to that part of us. i know from that moment that i left you hanging that i owe you an apology.i did my apologies but never did i thought that subconsciously i wanted you back. yep i really want you back but i know i cant have you.
I just can't figure what's going on your mind right now, im scared i have to admit, im scared because i know that it may not turn out the way i want it to be.

when you left for somewhere i dont know, i didn't want you to go... why? because just because maybe when you come back everything would be different. either you will be left hanging or me will be left hanging. there are so many uncertaintities that crossed my mind though i know of one fact, i might not be that someone.

5 days has passed and to be honest i'm preoccupied by things, by uncertainties. i had long days as i've said before you left. I don't know what friday holds me,i don't know what would happen by then. i just hope that i will be having the same courage, as what i have today or probably much greater.

i dont know how everything will be, some questions may probably be left unanswered. Hurt is inevitable whether or not we take risks-- it is there, it is bound to be felt. Im scared but i know it would be all worth. As I've said I fall when I fall, and here i am falling for someone and not knowing where this falling leads me -- all i know is that i felt it the way it should be, not forced not preempted.

this might be karma for what i've done, but the hell with karma. With everything that had been happening, i came to realize that i want you here. i realize that you are a part of my system. i realize that i want you badly. :|