err

It’s funny that I’m writing this letter or email right now. I don’t know, maybe I’m just not good in speaking…spell torpe or maybe it gets me conscious realizing that my voice breaks when emotions rush through. Uhm I know this is untimely, I know you’ve got problems on your own and I don’t mean to add unto that burden but I just think that I need to let this out. I know you make me kulit to share things but I just can’t, hesitant to affect anything about you, maybe I feared a lot and that makes me not a good knight in shinning armor but that’s me.

Uhm I don’t really know where to start, this feeling is freakin’ me out, well maybe thanking you for being so nice to me despite and inspite of everything that had happened for the past 4 years. I know I’ve never been that good to you at some point and that haunts me – I feel bad about it up to this moment. You know what, if there’s one thing I wanted to do everyday that is to share everything to you, but situation doesn’t allow me to. If given the choice and nothing to worry about, I should have told you everything and anything but I just can’t. This is no b*llshitty talk, I can live with conversations that consists of "hmmm" or "so…" and have a better feeling after. I can sleep sound and better hearing something from you, and it bothers me a lot when I don’t hear any from you for the rest of the day. It’s not a great feeling, not able to shout to the world how I feel lalo na that’s the thing that I wanted to do everyday. I over think things sometimes not able to realize that I missed an opportunity to let it all out.

Now bout the girl? Well it’s you and yeah! I’ve never told you who she was because I know it wouldn’t make any difference, well the only difference it would make, is that it might change how things are going between us. I don’t want to let you feel awkward and I just don’t want things to be rough. I have to admit, I am afraid to loose you when I never had you in the first place.

I know that it’s hard to trust someone, who at some point left you hanging and that’s a big back off for me. I’ve regret and that’s one thing that holds me back. I know I can’t be at par, to that someone who had been there when I left you out there and that you have a great respect to what you two have. Life has been good to me, having you around despite of everything and all I can do back is be contented with it. It’s hard for me to see you in a distant, but then I guess you’ve found that someone already you can spend the rest of your life with and true to my word I would be happy to accept that. It doesn’t mean, I don’t feel bad… I feel not alright but might as well enjoy the feeling.

Maybe this is the end of my daydream, and the start of living in reality that I can never be that someone anymore. mwuah3x iloveu3x and take good care of yourself.

Ps. if you need a lift, I’m still here =) and don’t be too hard on yourself. You are one great girl and I know you can always do better. Bear In mind it’s his loss and not yours J